Recently, I have been attending meetings where the readings were taken from our Recovery Continues book. In one meeting, we read: “Lust is a function of my ego, just as resentment is. I, the lord of my life—lord over that lust object and over that resentment object—unleash a spiritual force against them both, against their wills, perverting the reality of their person to suit my twisted need. What is that negative connection? Why must I keep on making it? So I won’t have to look at myself.” (RC 43)

Last week, I drank in a resentment for a split second—and that was enough to start the negativity seeping in, wanting to take me over. When I have a resentment, I am focusing on the other person, their “wrong,” and creating a reality perversion. When someone says something where I defend my position, I feel disturbed, a sign that there is something wrong with me.

Could I apply what I read and “look at myself”? Immediately, I acknowledged my negativity. I surrendered it, wrote a short inventory, shared it at a meeting and brought it into the light with another member (even though only a voice message) before going to bed. I did not want to bring the resentment to bed, which in the past had resulted in lustful dreams. Thank God, that night, I slept soundly. This gave me great hope – the program works!

My inventory showed me I had thought too highly of myself—“I am wonderful, I can do this or that, I am important.” Clinging to this idea of self, my ego had been up, my Shield (God’s presence) had been down and resentment had come in (RC 43). Even more challenging than these actions was taking it to the next stage, where I need to – take the action of love to reach out of myself and reconnect with that person, it completes the circle back into reality. God is the key, even here. (RC 90)

Another example. I was trying to find out some information from a Government agency. The person I phoned was not listening to me, and informing me what to do next. I was getting more frustrated. I said “You misunderstand me, can you let me finish please?” I felt angry and there was a disturbance again, in me. She listened, gave me directions and I thanked her. Putting down the phone, I was not happy with the way the call went.

Immediately I wrote a short inventory asking the question —“How could I improve on a situation like this in the future?” I prayed to God asking for forgiveness and was prompted to phone the number back (a national helpline).

There was little chance of getting the same person again, and I was welcomed by a fresh voice. I explained briefly what happened. I complimented her and her colleagues on their work, helping others at this particular time. She said “Thanks very much, and never mind, we are tough here!” and laughed. Connection again!

Thank God for letting me see that the sooner I apply the program the better it works. And thank You for the amazing literature our fellowship offers to new and old members alike.