IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

In my Step work I spent quite some time on my negative attitude towards women. There seemed to be very little trust. How could there be when there was no trust in me? I had always been switching from Mr. Know-It-All to Mr. Pitiful. In the one role being blind to the mess I made of my life and to how I hurt others, minors and women included, and if the pressure was too high, I became the victim that needed everybody’s help and understanding.

I came into Sexaholics Anonymous at age 31. I am 55 today. I've seen a lot of women come and go. Based on behaviors I’ve experienced during those 25 years, I’d like to share some practical recovery tools how I treat the opposite sex at our mixed meetings:

As a young girl, I dreamed of becoming a scientist. But life took a sharp turn when instead I became a lust addict. Accepting my struggle wasn't easy. What I thought was innocent indulgence in pornography and fantasy spun out of control, and I came to feel completely powerless. I stumbled across SA on the Internet, but I was still under age, and I had to wait until I turned 18 to join the Program. And living in India, where we didn’t yet have face-to-face meetings, meant I had to rely solely on online support.

When Zoom meetings started I was blessed to attend one or more meetings per day including for the first time a women’s only meeting. I didn’t have much experience attending meetings with other SA sisters. It was beautiful.

I have been in the program since 2010. I have been allowed to be sober for 13 years and am grateful to have been asked to write an article about men and women in the community.

A year ago, I felt apprehensive when I entered my first Zoom meeting because it was mixed. I had a question: How do I stay sober amongst men? What reassured me from the outset was the way the fellows included their sobriety dates when they introduced themselves. But I had no choice in the matter - I had to overcome my fears and keep coming back in order to learn how to stay sober and deepen my recovery, which I did; I continued to attend daily hybrid meetings on Zoom, plus a weekly women-only meeting.

When I first came to SA and heard about mixed meetings (with both men and women), I thought, if everyone has the same brain as me, it’s gonna be quite a party!

Some years ago, we started an online Persian SA meeting, which was the first online SA meeting as well as the first mixed meeting in our fellowship in Iran. In the beginning, there were some technical and online cultural issues but overall no major problems.

I attend the regular meetings of my home group every week, but currently, except for me, there are only male fellows there. However, as a “woman and a sexual minority,” I have been accepted into this group and feel like I belong and have a connection.

I’ve been sober since January 7, 2023. That day I took a flight to South Africa (SA), so I literally traveled to a new life since then. God has an amazing sense of humor!