IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

I woke up this morning thanking God. Then I prayed this simple prayer: “God grant that I may love Thee always and follow Thy will. Do with me according to Thy will.” Then I did my daily readings. It wasn’t always that way. Today I’m enjoying over three years of sexual sobriety. But again, it wasn’t always that way….

On March 13, 2014, John C. of Rochester, NY passed away. He was a real beacon to those of us who knew and interacted with him. This included sponsors, sponsees, fellow SA members here and around the world, and members of SA’s International service structure.

When I first came to SA, my world had just exploded. My last acting out partner had called my wife and told her what I’d been doing. My wife learned about a long list of behaviors that I was none too proud of. My loving, even-tempered wife responded to that call by picking up the pot roast she had just prepared for dinner and throwing it at me.

On September 18, 2013, I celebrated five years of SA sobriety. While I realize that five years is only a benchmark and that I still have much to learn, I’ve been so excited by what I’ve already learned in SA that I would like to share it with you. And I would like to compare my life to a cup, having an inside and an outside. In recovery, I’ve learned some healthy tools for maintaining both the inside and the outside of the cup.

While I was growing up, our family attended church twice on Sunday and again on Wednesday nearly every week. This gave me a good exposure to God and to the church. I didn’t always enjoy attending church, but something was planted within me. I believed in a punishing God, but at least I believed in God.

One of the ways I continued in my addiction and acting out was by going to SA meetings (no, that is not a typo!). That was because “going to meetings” was all I wanted to do to stop acting out. I wanted an “easier, softer way” (AA 58). I wanted to design my own program, and that meant just going to meetings.

My tale begins over 12 years ago. At the time, I observed that—as I walked from my car to a downtown SA meeting—I would often notice the women coming toward me or even across the road or on the sidewalk, and smile at them. Sometimes what I noticed about them turned to fantasy, and I would have to surrender this during the subsequent meeting.

Even as a child I had a sensitivity to noise. I came from a large family, and our house was always noisy and chaotic, with everybody talking at once. There also was a lot of yelling. I used to escape to the woods near our house for some peace and quiet. I liked to listen to the quiet rustling of the trees and hear the soft singing of the birds.

Recently, while attending an SA meeting, I was having a dialogue inside my head as someone read aloud “The Solution” (SA 61).

In the Spring of 2001, a fellow was struggling with staying sober from lust. He had tried many ways to stop, including using spiritual tools—but he could not stop. Then in the Fall of 2002 he met another man who also wanted to stop.