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When I was 18, I went on a parachute course with a few friends. I was looking for a new adventure and an experience that I could feel proud about. After one day’s instruction on the theory, we were given the go-ahead to make our jump. We would be using the “static-line” technique for our jump. Here, a cord runs from the parachute to a rail fixed on the inside of the plane. When you jump, the cord pays out, then pulls out your parachute; you don’t have to do anything.

Recently, I had a spiritual awakening as I watched a well-made movie, based on true events, about a young lawyer who, 15 years after the second World War, decided to pursue the people responsible for Auschwitz. A lot of these people, after the war, had taken all kinds of ordinary jobs: primary school teachers, woodcutters, bakers, businessmen, dentists, etc.

Temptations most often come to me unannounced. If I am working my program well, I stay away from places and activities that create temptations. Sometimes, the temptations make me feel guilty even when I didn’t seek them out or indulge them. A conversation with my sponsor helps me sort that kind of thing out. In every case though, I have a Higher Power, a 12-Step program in SA, and the benefits of fellowship which remind me to surrender all lust temptations.

Today while traveling back to my home, my scheduled flight was delayed and there was a high probability I would miss my connecting flight. As I was checking in, I saw a flight leaving in 20 minutes and wondered if I could run to the gate and see if I could get on this earlier flight going to the same destination. As I checked my luggage in, the agent asked if I had any lithium batteries in my bag. I said, "No," as I wanted to make it to the service counter to see if I could jump on the earlier flight.

This article is about relapse prevention. However, deep down inside of me, I am uncomfortable writing about this. I feel relapse prevention applies to people who are sober. It is about how to prevent people from relapsing once they get sober. My belief is that many people do not get sober although they think they are sober. How can I make such a statement?

I met my sponsor at an online SA meeting that I had never before attended. The fact that both I and my future sponsor decided to join that same meeting on the same day is evidence of my Higher Power’s love for me. Meeting him came at a time when I felt alone and disconnected, longing to feel loved and understood by my Higher Power.

My home group is in St. Petersburg, Russia, but one year ago I moved to Hanoi, Vietnam, where there are few other recovering sexaholics. My recovery started the day I came to an SA meeting. Since that day my life has changed a lot, and it is still changing. I am grateful for everything, past, present, and future. My life is happening exactly as the God of my understanding wants, so I accept everything life brings to me. I want to live this life.

In the beginning of recovery, when I was struggling to find long-term sobriety, every relapse seemed like a death sentence. This was a delusion and a lie. Who was judging me? Not my Higher Power. I was the judge, and again I was making myself the god and center of my world. My Higher Power never stopped desiring a relationship with me. He was and is the real center of the world. He was not concerned about judging me. His intention was to call me away from bondage to lust because it blocked our relationship. For this reason, guilt did not serve me. Guilt distracted my attention from seeking help from my HP and from the help of others in the SA fellowship.

There are three essential things that help me be sober. The first is a commitment to surrender every single lust temptation to my Higher Power. The second thing is to associate myself with the SA fellowship at every opportunity. I do this with regular communication with my sponsor, phone calls and meetings with SA members, and constant study of SA literature.

Trying to control my sexual lust is like trying to predict the weather. Sometimes I can do it successfully. However, most of the time, I fail miserably. Lust is cunning so I end up fooling myself into thinking that I can control it. The measure of my success in controlling lust is the measure of my self-deception that I am able to control it. If I go for an evening without acting out, I magnify it so that it looks like a major breakthrough in my battle against this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.