IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

My descent into addiction closely parallels the development of the Internet. In 1992, Newsweek featured a cover story highlighting this developing phenomenon. Around the same time, my employer gave us Internet access, and I started reading erotic stories online.

The first time I was confronted with a naked picture of a man and woman, it was in an educational book my mother gave me when I was in second grade. Despite experiencing the familiar rush of the forbidden and climbing on my roof with my friend to look at the pictures, I felt uncomfortable with the images.

My name is Marie W., I’m a sexaholic, and my sobriety date is August 20, 2005. I came into SA because I was afraid I would die if I didn’t. I had started including self-inflicted pain in my acting-out behaviors. Today, because of SA, I’m learning to let go of old behaviors and replace them with healthy ones.

When I was sober just over three months, a younger man asked me to sponsor him. He was shy and new to SA and I didn’t want to say no, so I said that I would be his temporary sponsor. When I called my sponsor to tell him what happened, he seemed skeptical and emphasized that I should definitely think of this as only temporary, since I myself was new to sobriety and Step work.

Every person in recovery is different; every person in recovery is the same. That’s my conclusion after being among many fellow addicts in all stages of recovery. Unfortunately, I spent years stuck in the “white chip” stage of recovery—referring to the poker chip that many Twelve Step members pick up when starting or renewing the program.

In May 2002, I was separated from my wife of 17 years because of my addiction to pornography. We had two children: a 13-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. A professional counselor told them about my addiction.

I recently attended the 2013 international convention in Baltimore, and before the experience fades, I would like to take the action of expressing my gratitude in words to God and the fellowship.

“Arrest and surrender in order to be set free—what a paradox!” (SA 83) Thus began my story of recovery on April 7, 1989, when my secret life lived in bondage to lust was shattered by an actual arrest, the resulting publicity, and the necessity of facing the literal question of whether to live or die.

When I used to nourish lust thoughts, there was something going on inside me we might call spiritual fornication. Within my spirit I was shutting God out in rebellion, perverting the reality of the lust object to suit my sick need (splitting myself to create and then imagine that inner partner), and then having sex with her, which was really having sex with myself.

EMER held its first Regional Convention in Warsaw, Poland last October 25-27, with great results! We had approximately 152 participants, including 125 SA members (116 men and nine women) and 27 members of S-Anon. Of these, 117 participants were from Poland and 35 from other places in the world.