I remember sitting in our counselor’s office when my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I was devastated. Not because I loved him all that much. My ongoing emotional affairs with the men at work, combined with sexual fantasies and masturbation, were dearer to me than my husband was at the time.
Leprosy is a dread disease. It horribly disfigures and numbs one to pain. If that were not enough, there is an immense social stigma involved. People do not associate with a leper and keep their distance. The leper cries out, “Unclean! Unclean!”
On a beautiful October weekend in the Pacific Northwest, eight recovering sexaholics retired to a quiet retreat overlooking the San Juan Islands to spend one day in silence with the God of our understanding, and one more day in thankful and joyous fellowship.
Recently my local Intergroup inspired me to create a flyer that could be handed out to women attending their first SA meeting. An SA’s first meeting can be such a key moment of willingness and admission of powerlessness.
Dear Son:
It is amazing to see the very same issue that I experienced with my mother reappear in my relationship with you. The same wedge of estrangement, resentment, and detachment that I created and nourished with her has also developed in my relationship with you.
I had just arrived at the Nashville airport when I got a voicemail from Jim. The message was “I just got back from the doctor and he told me I have six months to live.” Jim was dead within two weeks. After receiving the message, I immediately called him. I told him how much I loved him and how he was always the brother I never felt I really had.
My father was admitted to the hospital in June 2008. The doctors said he needed a heart valve in order to live. He risked the surgery so that he might be around longer for his grandchildren. It didn’t work out so well: he was in a coma between life and death for six weeks. It was hard to see him so powerless.
Mark told me once that no one ever died from sex. He said, “Alcohol, on the other hand, will kill you. It's a chemical fact. If I drink I’ll die.” What Mark didn’t say was that he was going to die anyway.
It took me a while to let go of the idea that I could do this program on my own. I’d been raised to be self-sufficient. I had to figure out how to take care of myself and solve problems on my own. As you can guess, this hasn’t worked for me.
