IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

When I first got sober I made a firm commitment not to date for at least a year. Every day I had lived expecting the woman of my dreams to show up and magically change my reality. Once I found her I would no longer suffer from inadequacy, pain or loneliness. The world I hated so much would turn into a paradise. Everything would be different from then on.

Our Seventh Tradition — “Every SA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions” — is part of our meeting format. Yet it was discussed at a fellowship meeting at a recent conference that we are not fully self-supporting through our contributions. Only about half of our income comes from group contributions.

Recently I helped organize the one-day Baltimore-Washington SA/S-Anon Marathon, held this year in Crystal City, VA on Oct. 19. The theme was “Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness.” The meeting consisted of two joint speaker meetings, breakout meetings, couples meetings with a total of 96 members attending.

Toronto hosted its first SA/S-Anon Marathon Oct. 19. Wow! I was blown away by the honesty I heard and I was uplifted by the strength and hope. I had misgivings going into the day because it was the first time my wife was participating in the program and the first time I was attending a joint SA/S-Anon conference. But by the end of the day, my misgivings had been washed away by a deep sense of gratitude and thanksgiving.

The Chicago Area Retreat Committee and the Chicago Area Intergroup recently hosted their Second Annual Spiritual Retreat for SA members entitled “Pathways to Peace,” based on the theme “The Promises.” The retreat lasted for three days. It was a wonderful chance to spend a recovery-filled weekend with members of the regional fellowship.

It has taken two years, but our meeting has begun to grow. What started off as two or three of us in the basement of a church in the shadow of the Naval Academy has grown to six to eight committed members. We use a modified book study format and it seems to be working well.

I want to express my gratitude and excitement for the “White Book,” Sexaholics Anonymous. It confirms so much of my experience in what works for me in recovery.

I have been working a program with a few other members of SA from different parts of the country on abstinence from TV and movies. I have been abstinent from these media since June 1, 1996. This has not been an easy surrender. Even though God has removed what was an overwhelming compulsion to utilize these media, I still experience an intense pull from them. When the lust for TV or movies comes up, I am able to pray each time — just as I do with sexual lust — and God has, one impulse at a time, given me the willingness to turn away.

It was in a porn magazine, ironically, that I first learned of SA. This new group for sex addicts was mentioned in a short article of the ha-ha-guess-what variety. I did not laugh; it sent a chill down my spine. Two months later a local newspaper carried the famous “Dear Abby” column, and I was one of the multitude who wrote to Simi Valley. I received the SA brochure and a letter inviting me to write again if I wanted further information.

I recently attended an open-mike SA/S-Anon meeting. I was looking forward to hearing experience, strength and hope from both groups. As I settled in to listen, however, an SA member approached the mike. He spoke about his childhood, his feelings of not fitting anywhere and his unhappiness with his life before recovery.