IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

I have three things to share on the topic of forgiveness. #1: Why Forgive? The first, and most important, concerns why I forgive people. In a nutshell: I forgive because it helps ME.

After five years of sobriety and co-ed religious formation, I thought I could be like normal people and have healthy friendships with the opposite sex. I had made many female friends in the previous years, women I hoped I could see as sisters and live in freedom.

Attitude is a word I thought I understood when I first arrived at Sexaholics Anonymous, but really I did not understand it at all. A new heart was something that I thought I did not need when I arrived at SA, but I was wrong.

The eternal discontent with my life is part of my illness. I cannot find myself. My life I do not like. I need something more. That enormous expectations that I had or that I have (for worldly success, recognition, pomp and honor, etc.) seems to be the reason why I feel empty.

Early in Sexaholics Anonymous my sponsor said that “the most important quality for recovery is being and remaining teachable.” After thirty years his statement still lingers in my thoughts every day.

The Foreword to the Second Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous says that “Of those who came to A.A. and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on showed improvement” (AA xx).

I began acting out at age 14. After 30 years, I was fed up. I acted out three times on the day my father died — this was unmanageability. Then I cried out for help. It was a deep cry from within which communicated to my Higher Power and to the universe that I honestly and desperately needed help. Grace followed and I found the SA fellowship.

The reason why lust and sexual acting out are so attractive to me is because they are so very powerful at what they do in me. Initially, they were my “solutions” to other problems. Eventually I became addicted to them, and they failed to be solutions and became their own problems. But I didn’t have an alternative “solution” that would not enslave me just as lust and sexual acting out had done.

My name is Roy and I’m a sexaholic. I’m standing here in the West LA Saturday night meeting and I’m talking to a large group of sex drunks. This is where the first meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous (I think in the world) took place in this room on January 25, 1981. Through this recording I’ll be also talking to the international convention.

I love being in a program that cultivates both spirituality and self-development. I crave closeness to God and this program has helped me to find a spirituality that really satisfies, in addition to leading me back to the religion of my upbringing. I have found a God Who is loving and all-powerful, as described in Alcoholics Anonymous, and Who wants to have a relationship with me.