After five years of sobriety and co-ed religious formation, I thought I could be like normal people and have healthy friendships with the opposite sex. I had made many female friends in the previous years, women I hoped I could see as sisters and live in freedom. There was no lust, as I understood lust, in most of these relationships, no sexual fantasy and crossing physical lines. In some, there was sexual attraction and I knew that I should be careful. I hoped I could ignore the disturbances I felt were neurotic scrupulosity and continue to do as I pleased.