An issue that was nagging at me for the past few years was the state of my White Book. Pages were falling out and it was frayed in places. This was due mostly because it comes with me everywhere. Even though I have another White Book, my frayed copy has been with me to meetings in eight different countries on three continents, and to many countries without SA meetings. It is always in my backpack.
I have been in and out of SA for 13 years and my newest sobriety date in April 7, 2019. Why? I never put recovery first, until now. In the past 13 years there have been periods of sobriety, living as a dry drunk, and acting out and ignoring the Fellowship and the Program.
Service is a critical part of recovery, but it is one of the most poorly understood Program concepts, in my opinion. I’ve been in the Program for 19 years, and for 17 of those years, my idea of service was flawed. I believed service was about helping addicts only. I did not see it extend outside of these boundaries.
Over three sober decades in SA there have been quite a few pieces of “bad news” for us sexaholics. They all arise, like our entire program, from our experience, strength and hope. Each issue of Essay under Practical Tools we’ll share some pieces of “bad news”:
• We make a decision to get angry. Then we find something to get angry about. Same with resentment!
So, here I am in anticipation after my long journey
Waiting on the hanging canopy swing in the shade of two giant elder pine trees
With my son on the side of my sister’s house in Northern Idaho
It’s a peaceful summer mid-afternoon with a few fluffy clouds in a high blue sky
As my son and I take turns napping on the swing waiting for someone to arrive home
I had always thought my Step 9 would be pretty tame. However, there were three or four moments that struck me with the urge to run away from life as I knew it and never look back. One of these was the day I made amends to my mother. My wife was out of town, and mom invited me to do a BBQ with her at a local park. I had been waiting for a few weeks for the opportunity to present itself, and there it was. I agreed.
In my experience I have realized that SA is like a flowing river. When a new member joins, the river wants to sweep him into recovery. But nobody has pure reasons when one joins, as it says in the White Book. And so sometimes the newcomer resists the current.
Several years ago at work, a new employee was hired into our section. “Shirley” was a drop-dead gorgeous woman. Besides being beautiful, she was intelligent, witty, and friendly. Quickly, I realized that I was getting a crush on her.
