IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

My wife and I were babysitting two of our grandchildren for the weekend. On Saturday afternoon I was keeping my grandson company, lounging next to him on the couch with my legs up on a hassock as he watched his favorite television program.

In 1993, my wife and I led a church singles ministry. During a pool party at a single’s house while playing catch, my six-year-old son looked at me and said, “Daddy, why do you keep looking around? Why don’t you just play catch with me?” I believe that was the first time anyone spoke to me about my looking at the women around me.

From the time I was a kid I never liked teams. I didn’t want to lose because some teammate screwed up. If I messed up a bunch of people would hate me for making them lose. And if I’m the prime factor in helping a team win, the credit will be spread out among a bunch of others. By my logic it was better to solo have the credit and control of winning or losing.

I fell hard into the Internet. There I found a world where forbidden things were freely available. At first, I enjoyed this secret place where there was no right or wrong. So I stayed there longer and longer each day. Before long, my seemingly harmless online meetings turned into infidelities. I cheated frequently, after more than fifteen years of faithful marriage.

In the Traditions, we have one ultimate authority, one membership requirement, and now one primary purpose. All of these support the unity of SA.

From where does your group get SA literature? Who provides informational packets to individuals trying to start a new group? Who helps the desperate sexaholic connect with a group, or another member? From whom can you obtain information about meetings and contacts when traveling? Who provides online registration for our International Conventions?

WOMEN SA MEMBERS!! There’s a great new service project being worked on, and we need YOUR help!

Welcoming newcomers to SA, we listen for the desire to stop hidden beneath their early reactions to the program. Those who doubt, when first hearing our sobriety definition, do not threaten the unity of our group or our connection with the God of our understanding. At the same time, this Tradition makes clear what we members of SA desire for ourselves, and what kind of experience, strength, and hope we have to offer the newcomer.

As I began the spiritual adventure of service, my sponsor taught me to think of the Traditions as a “bill of sacrifices” rather than a “bill of rights.” As a person with a sizable ego and a history of craving recognition, I had to learn to still, or at least calm, the voice that cries “me, me, me” and replace it with “us.” I believe that exercise fosters unity and gives life to both to the fellowship and me.

Deep down I knew what was happening inside, but now it is time to swallow my pride.