IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

Hi, my name is Mike, and I’m a sexaholic. I can still remember the first time I said that at an SA meeting. My palms were sweaty, my heart was pounding, my throat had a lump in it, and I could hardly speak—pretty much the same reaction I used to get each time I approached a prostitute, or did any of my addictive sexual behaviors.

“I am not affected by other people’s criticism because I am not affected by other people’s praise.” Praise is wonderful. There are few greater joys than the affirmation and applause of my fellows. But what happens when the cheering stops? Where do I find my sense of self-worth when others fail to notice my good deeds?

Many people lose their sobriety or relapse back into lust and sexual addiction. Most of us have learned that relapse is a process that happens over a period of time. Slowly we let our priority of sober and lust-free thinking and acting be replaced by other things. Then we become ripe for relapse.

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free…” (Emma Lazarus) I sought for thirty years for relief from my addiction through my church. My guilt and shame were too great. I felt that no one at church would ever understand, much less accept me.

My name is K. and I am a sexaholic. My story began in a small suburban town, a wealthy suburb of New York City. We were a large Christian family and my father was a Marine Corps Captain in World War II. My father grew up on the “wrong side of the tracks” and he was determined that all his children would succeed in the professional world.

Tonight, as I walked my dog, I learned a lesson in recovery. She’s still as hyper as a puppy at three years of age. Most of her time is spent either in a kennel or the small duplex we rent. I try to walk her around the block several times every day. I use a long retractable leash to let her roam a bit but keep her safe. Often she will end up at the end of the leash.

I can hardly believe that I have been in SA for an entire year. More unbelievable is that I have been sober the entire time. My sponsor always reminds me that it is truly a miracle. My sponsor is right; it is truly a miracle.

I was well on my way to being an addict by age eleven. Pre-puberty masturbation was already a regular part of my life and it wanted more and more. By age thirteen, I was experimenting with sexual activity with my younger sister. We feared being caught and punished, so we stopped.

This Step is the beginning of a life-long process of self-appraisal and accountability. If you continue in this journey, you will have many more opportunities to review your conduct, motives and shortcomings, and take action to change. I rarely listen to a sponsee’s 5th Step without discovering another example of how my defects of character injured me or someone I love.

Earl was our mentor, sponsor, and guide. Earl started SA on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. People from New Orleans to Mobile came to these meetings. He sponsored several of us as we continued to work our programs. Earl established a light that few of us expect to achieve. He attended national meetings and had years of sobriety; yet, he fought for each day just like the rest of us.