When I first came to SA, I was one of those people who wanted to control and enjoy my lust, but not stop lusting altogether. I wanted to work my own program. I thought I was smarter than the other members and smarter than my therapist.
“I’m Art, a sexaholic. I’ve been sexually sober since January 3, 2004.” That’s how I’ve introduced myself in every meeting I’ve attended. Today, exactly four years later, I have several strong impressions.
My husband and I were talking about intimacy recently. We agreed that intimacy must be based in truth, and that I need to be totally honest (without gory details) about the big stuff.
I just came back from an open AA meeting. I’m not an alcoholic, but I do sometimes go to open AA meetings when there isn’t an available SA meeting. These meetings are usually difficult for me in a way that SA meetings are not, because I don’t share.
Since my disclosure to my wife, I’ve lied to her only once. It was meant as a prank—but it was a bad idea. It really set us back because it brought up all the feelings of distrust that she had in the beginning, and it was hard for her to believe that there weren’t other lies.
I experienced something new at the International SA/S-Anon Convention in Newark, NJ, this past January. One of the morning sessions had to do with fetishes and obsessions. There had been some contention as to whether to include such a topic at an SA convention but the room was packed.
I’m battling a disease that is much greater than I am, and which needs no rest. My disease is focused on driving a wedge between me and everything I hold dear. It is intent on killing me. It knows that by isolating me it can make me believe its lies—but as long as I have others to talk with, I can keep my addiction at bay.
For me, honesty is the basis of a sponsorship relationship. I’m honest with my sponsor right away if a behavior is becoming a problem. I’m honest with her about what situations I must avoid. I also know what I am able to handle without problems.
