IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

On the outside, my early life looked like an episode from a Fifties sitcom. I was the third of six kids. My mom stayed at home, organized the family chores, baked bread every week, and had a hot dinner on the table every night when my dad came home. My dad worked all day, came home at six, and was home every weekend. He helped us fix our bikes and do our homework.

I’m bored. That’s a dangerous place for me to be, because one of my stronger lust triggers is boredom. I’m locked in my cell, waiting to be called to an appointment. I walk back and forth—window, door, window, door—with the occasional stop at the cupboard to see if I’ve overlooked some food item. Food can be a medication to relieve my boredom, just as lust can.

Dear SA Fellowship, As I celebrate three years of sobriety, I want to thank the SA fellowship for being such a large part of my life. The years I spent running around like a fool in your rooms were the best of my life. I greatly miss our regular fellowship, but I am so very grateful to still be connected with you in the way that I am.

My story is similar to many I’ve heard—riddled with pornography, masturbation, and a multitude of sexual encounters. For most of my life, I didn’t even think that the things I was doing were wrong. Only when I wanted to stop and could not did I start the downward spiral into despair that brought me through the doors of SA.

Two years ago, I was halfway through graduate school and living in Nashville. I thought I was doing pretty well for myself—until I sat down with my girlfriend in a student counseling session and explained my acting-out behaviors.

I recently heard a member share in a meeting that he thought SA is not a friendly place for singles because our Sobriety Definition does not allow them to have sex. He questioned how he could be expected to stay abstinent for the rest of his life with that definition. When I heard this I laughed; maybe because I’ve had the same thought at times.

I began my recovery from sexual addiction three years ago by joining an online sexual addiction forum. That forum helped, but for me it wasn’t enough. Then I joined a Twelve Step phone conference offered through the forum. That helped more, but twice I relapsed after a seven-month clean streak.

Being the perfectionist that I am, I believed for a long time that I had to work the Steps very hard before I could start being joyous. But today, with over 10 years of sobriety, I’ve learned from observing others in recovery that it is possible to find joy on the first day in this program.

Working the Steps in SA was a progressive journey of discovery for me. I found that I had played a part in causing my pain, and had inflicted it on others. After making restitution and amends to the best of my ability, the next task at hand was to begin paying attention to the present moment.

I recently returned from the Nashville convention, where the speakers were hugely nourishing to my recovery. By God’s grace, I’ve been able to attend 25 SA International conventions. I’ve faithfully attended two conventions each year—because I need them!