IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

I’m Robert, a grateful sexaholic. By the grace of God and the miracle of the SA program of recovery, I have not had to act out since October 10, 2010. I recently celebrated my second SA birthday, as well as the removal of my ankle bracelet. After three and a half years in prison and four years on parole, I am again a free man.

At their July meeting, the GDA suggested that SA members who travel consider carrying SA literature to areas in need of it, since mailing costs for literature can be prohibitive. So on a recent trip to Asia, I carried in my luggage $225 worth of literature (White Books, Step into Action 1-12, Recovery Continues, back issues of ESSAY, and SA Pocket Guides) to the Manila SA group, as well as to a member trying to start a group in Delhi, India.

On a beautiful spring night in 2009, I was driving to a funeral home south of the city, listening to an old cassette tape, a gift from Art L. “My buddy… my buddy, “he crooned. “Your buddy… misses you!” The familiar gruff voice with its approximate pitching brought back a flood of memories. I wondered what had happened to my friend.

As I travel to many states and countries sharing my recovery message, I’m often asked the same question: “When and how should I tell the people closest to me that I’m a member of SA?” While each situation is different, I try to pass on general principles.

“I’m in a serious, monogamous relationship. I love him, and I’m certain that we’re going to get married. Why doesn’t SA support sex in this type of committed relationship? I’m able to stay present during sex, and it’s about connection, not escape. I don’t have religious convictions about waiting until marriage.

I’m certain that I’ve experienced miracles from God throughout my recovery. I’m also certain that I’m blind to most of His handiwork. So the times when I can emphatically state “That was a God thing” are very special to me. One such time occurred at my first SA International Convention.

The AA Big Book contains a number of gripping phrases or metaphors. In describing the panic felt by anyone who has hit rock bottom, Bill W. wrote: “We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God” (AA 28).

I’m Steve, a recovering sexaholic, sober since December 14, 2002. I am living a much better life today, thanks to SA and the Twelve Step program of recovery.

For my Step Three, my sponsor suggested that I answer a standard set of questions that we use in our local groups. The answers I found were illuminating for me, and I shared my Step Three with my SA group. The feedback I got from the group was positive—several members even encouraged me to submit my Step to ESSAY!

When I met with my sponsor to discuss my work on Step Eight, I was surprised that he crossed out several names on my list. He approved of my making direct amends to my wife (who knew about my acting out), but he said it might be hurtful for me to make direct amends to some of the other people on my list.