IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

I have always worked a simple program because that is the only way I'm able to do it. I wasn't able to write my inventory like the AA Big Book recommends with the columns system. But on page 109 in the SA White Book the directions were simple which allowed me to do my inventories.

Loneliness, rejection, and fear have acted as a soundtrack in my head for as long as I can remember. They form rhythm and melodies filled with dissonance. Each track is made complete with a verse, chorus, and bridge:

Laughing is part of recovery! Here is one of my favorite AA jokes:

A few days ago one of my dearest friends came up to me with good news. “I have a boyfriend!” she said. I was so happy for her. She really deserves it. I was always asking myself why someone as beautiful, kind and smart as she is wasn’t in a relationship. I even thought that maybe she had some kind of problem, like my sexaholism. Then it struck me that now I was (and still I am) the only single girl amongst my various groups of friends.

When I first started my recovery journey I was plagued with the usual incessant buzz inside my head that only addicts and compulsive neurotics can identify with:

“If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it.” (AA 132) Such was my experience when I attended my first SA meeting in Manchester, UK, back in the winter of 2003. SA was still very new here, and there were very few members, hardly any of them sober. There was no welcome, no joy, no message of a positive and joyful sobriety. “And this is what SA is all about?”, I thought.

Before joining SA, I did activities with a hidden agenda- to spot or be spotted by a “potential husband”. I cringe when I think about these crazy motives. As I was doing Step Four, my sponsor asked me if I would accept life if I never got married.

When I first came to SA I did not know how fast to leave after the meeting. I did not want to be there. I did not believe it to be fun at all! That was more than 4 years ago. Since then a lot has changed. I frequently crack up before, after or even during a meeting. There are some real jokesters here in SA Amsterdam. Especially jokes about recovery or the struggles we are going through make me laugh. But it doesn't stop there.

When Autumn arrives and the weather in Northern Europe turns damp and windy, it's nice to think back on pleasant times in recovery. I attended the regional convention in Israel in May 2015. It was a lovely venue. As the convention was ending, we heard that there was going to be an SA tent camp by Lake Galilee afterwards, organized by a UK old-timer and Israeli members. I signed up straightaway.

Fun in recovery was the last thing on my mind when I first stepped into the rooms. I was at rock bottom and thought my life would never see joy again, much less fun again. I had been found out and subsequently destroyed my marriage and the relationships with my teenage children. I never thought that fast forward 6 years I would rediscover joy in my life and have fun in my recovery.