IN THE CURRENT MAGAZINE

Lust was always a part of me, long before I knew its name. It had claimed me as one of its own in the darkness that would become my sexaholism—a universe-sized prison of my own making. My disease was quietly progressive. Some might argue that I haven’t hit my real rock bottom since my life has never been completely upended by my many relapses.

Surrendering to God led me to the miracle of true sobriety.

Hello, my name is Amr R. from Egypt. At age 10, I started touching myself but stopped because my mother told me I would go to hell for doing that. I discovered pornography at age 18 and soon became an addict, unable to stop masturbating for even one week. I came to SA at age 19, only a year ago. My first meeting was on Zoom. I joined SA because I was masturbating compulsively while watching pornography. When I first came to SA, I was able to stop acting out for 14 days because of the people here—they encouraged, affirmed, and loved me!

We were in our meeting, led by a local fellow. During a moment of silence, we heard a crack. We didn’t know where the sound came from. Another crack followed, and then another. Slowly, one fellow sank to the floor. One of the legs of his plastic chair had completely broken, and he was now on the floor. We were all surprised, and then we burst out in laughter. I told him, “Relax, fellow—that doesn’t count as a relapse.”

He kept relapsing until he changed what he was looking for.

I’m a low-bottom drunk. I was in active addiction for almost forty years. I was finally dragged into the Program fourteen years ago. Now, I’ve been sober for two years and three months. You do the math.

Courage isn’t fighting lust—it’s surrendering it to God. My name is Steve, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. By God’s grace, sponsorship, and the Program, I’ve been sober since August 20, 2013. I haven’t had sex with myself or with anyone other than my spouse for over 11 years. I’ve also experienced some progressive victory over lust.

True surrender isn’t just asking for help—it’s offering ourselves to God’s plan.

In the Program, I’ve been building the muscle of asking God for help. “Help me be sober! Help me turn away from lust! Help me surrender! Help me! Help me! Help me!” As I strengthen this muscle—which sometimes requires an act of complete reliance—I’m also shifting my perspective to a gentler way.

Making recovery artwork helps my own recovery. This piece represents the journey of recovery as described in the Big Book. The figure in the center symbolizes a recovered individual with his own unique light and color. As each recovered member crosses through the gate of freedom, he carries his own colorful light, contributing to the collective glow of our souls.

Finding Strength in Higher Power and Self-Discovery My name is Aaron M., and I’m a lust addict. One of the biggest parts of self-discovery in my recovery is the vast gulf that exists between who I am when I’m practicing sobriety and who I am when I’m in active addiction. They’re almost (but not quite!) two different people, with their own personalities and motivations. My sober self goes completely out the window whenever I take that first lust drink and the “other guy” kicks in.

How the Steps, Higher Power, and the Fellowship helped this member find his path to recovery, one day at a time. Tonight, a tragic plane crash dominates every news network. The world is in shock. Why? Because plane crashes are rare—they don’t happen often, so when they do, it’s overwhelming.

Higher Power’s guidance in both struggle and service. Step into Action (p. 67) tells us that “There are many good ways to do a Fourth Step inventory.” It recommends listing and describing our resentments, fears, and the selfish nature of our sexual behavior, but it also mentions identifying our positive attributes and recognizing what “God would have us be.” This can also be found in our personal history of other, more positive, behaviors—especially in actions that stand in direct contrast to our defects, like opposite ends of a pendulum’s swing.