A daily renewal is one of the best practices in my recovery from sexaholism. One morning my renewal partner said, “Matthew, you have UNICORN SYNDROME. You don’t realize how unique you are, how rare it is to have done the work you’ve done at your age and to have found recovery, or how unrealistic it is to expect your wife to be in the same place as you are.”

Immediately, I knew God had spoken to me and provided me with His wisdom, my diagnosis for the day. This diagnosis seems to apply every day: I have unicorn syndrome. Either I expect everyone to be as spiritual as I am—they should be further along on their journey and they need to work on their character defects—or I think I am terminally unique.

My expectations are nearly always unrealistic. My serenity is inversely proportionate to my expectations. When I have expectations I am planning out new resentments, which means I am asking for more Tenth Steps and ego-deflation. This is my choice, but I am powerless to choose otherwise without God’s help.

Most people haven’t spent their whole lives critiquing everything they do. I have. (I call my self-critic “The Annihilator.” Another good friend in recovery helped me name him.) Most people aren’t addicts in the unmanageable, extreme fashion I prefer. Most people aren’t like me, and yet, everyone is trying to find God just like me and we share more similarities than differences. We all need space to grow and grace to be where we are at, messy as it is.

I need to allow myself and others space today to be where they are in the process. This is the essence of the Seventh and Twelfth Steps. We are allowed to be human, to fail and to struggle. Truthfully, my own standards drive me crazy. It is a gift from God to be face-to-face with my own insanity daily and to have the opportunity to surrender it. Thank God He is always ready and willing to help me let go of being a unicorn and run with the horses.