Twice a month SA members in the Sacramento area gather for a meditation meeting. The Eleventh Step in the 12&12 describes the direct linkage among self-examination, prayer and meditation. Our practice is simple: we read SA or AA literature and then spend about 20 minutes together in silence using our breath as a focal point.

We sit upright and commit to breathing continuously, not pausing between inhalation and exhalation. The sensations of the breath provides a way out of the maze of mental noise into connection with the present moment. We accept any stray thoughts as integral to this process, for “what we resist persists.” When we recognize we are absorbed in thinking, we gently return attention to our breathing. This is an opportunity to return our minds to Presence and the care of a Higher Power.

We may become aware of inner pain and seek to avoid discomfort by escaping into thought. We are reminded that “pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress” (12&12, 93–94). For continued spiritual progress, facing the pain is required. Little by little, we curiously explore this inner discomfort. We breathe with and into the discomfort. We unconditionally accept our feelings. Breathing and remaining present can loosen stored emotions and allow us to experience the Whole. This is not a time for intellectualizing. We avoid any story of why and how we came into this pain. Feeling is healing.

We use questions from the reading after our breathing. Then our minds are best able to engage in calm and honest self-appraisal, thus interweaving meditation practice with self-examination. For example, we have talked through Fourth Steps, writing a few words about who and what and our feelings and judgments and shortcomings. We seek forgiveness of others and self. A quiet mind is a forgiving mind.

One member described the process in meditation of forgiving self as embracing a child stuck in inner darkness. A newcomer shared the terror of facing and entering into the silence that lies beneath the thinking mind. “Mediators are like pioneering skydivers,” he said, “stepping out into the unknown to dip into the stillness and face that which one is unwilling to face.” Another member described sitting in a room with an open door and watching thoughts pass by that door. Some thoughts would start to enter and then leave while he watched. Yet another member described a barrage of thoughts and coming to a place of surrender in which emotional turmoil dissipated with the cool breeze blowing on his neck from the open window. Finally, one described bags full of sticks on his shoulders being let go, which he would pick up and let go again and again until they finally were removed.

Unified in stillness and silence, we keep coming back to the breath.