My name is Pablo and I’m a sexaholic. I attend the SA fellowship here in San Antonio—and it’s a great fellowship! I first came into SA two years ago, in November 2013, and I just turned 24 this week. Recovery has been a long journey for me since then. I’ve struggled with working the Steps and staying sober.
Until recently, things never “clicked” for me. I did not feel “part of.” I questioned other members. I wanted to do things my way. I was not willing to go to any length to stay sober. I was not desperate enough. I had to become desperate enough to surrender every aspect of my life. “Pray for willingness to be willing,” I heard in a meeting. So I prayed unceasingly, “God, grant me the willingness to become willing.” And God granted me sobriety on June 3rd of this year.
Before that, pain had played an important role in my life. My disease wanted me. I was hospitalized twice in two months—first in March, then again in April. Then in mid-June I had a surgery, and the diagnosis seemed to ruin my life. I had contracted a virus because of my sexaholism! Physical recovery was the worst part, but that is what it took for me to become serious and embark on this journey of recovery. God answered my prayers!
Since then, I’ve experienced an authentic, challenging, and beautiful journey. I’ve come to experience forgiveness from my Higher Power. True sexual sobriety now means to me: serenity, acceptance, wisdom, joy, freedom, and progressive victory over lust. My concept of a Higher Power has completely changed. I love the fellowship today and am becoming more willing every day as I surrender all to them. Working the Steps with my sponsor is now my only goal.
My story is much longer, but I just choose to share briefly my experience, strength, and hope of today. This morning another member brought the June 2015 ESSAY to our meeting, and he passed it around for all to read. When it got to me, I opened it and read the first article: “Willing to Wait,” written by a young man in San Diego. Tears came to my eyes. That was my story! I have never felt such connection as I did in reading that story.
Being around SA at such a young age has sometimes been difficult, even though I’ve learned that age does not make me different. “Look for similarities, not for the differences,” I’m told. And this guy from San Diego was telling my story. My story started the same way and I ended up acting out using the same means that he did. I’ve been experiencing the same feelings and fears every single day—they’ve been more prominent since I’ve been working the Steps and staying sober one day at a time. So I thank God today for SA, and for ESSAY.
In the spirit of fellowship,
Pablo C., San Antonio, TX