I recently attended the 2013 international convention in Baltimore, and before the experience fades, I would like to take the action of expressing my gratitude in words to God and the fellowship.
The decision to attend the convention was difficult at first. My desire to go was strong, but my financial picture said, “Maybe next time.” Instead of listening to this voice, I reached out and asked for help. I sent scholarship applications to both my local intergroup and the program organizers. My diseased pride would rather not admit any weaknesses, but I needed to be with “my people” (thank you Roy K.!), and I was determined to go.
After sending in my requests I felt a very powerful and healthy sense of self-worth. I took the action and felt at peace. Both applications were approved! Later when I called to express my gratitude, I asked, “How can I ever repay these gifts?” I was told. “Bring back the good word.” I took this to heart, and following are a few of my takeaway thoughts to pass on.
1) I cannot work my program alone. I never could and never will recover without the support of other recovering sexaholics. As one SA speaker shared, “The fellowship is where the action is.” I’m slowly learning to give and receive love in this fellowship of the spirit.
2) In SA, I’m accepted for who I am—a sex drunk—even when I cannot accept myself. This admission in Step One allows me the courage to continue to be honest about who I am, and to recognize additional defects in Step Six. Sometimes I’m a rage-aholic, a fear-aholic, a dishonest-aholic, etc. The list goes on. And that’s okay, just for today.
3) I need to be involved in service. The scholarship committee requested that I perform some service at the convention. I’m ashamed to say that my first thought was, “I’ll only be there for one day and I want to go to as many meetings as possible!” But, surrendering to a Power greater than myself, I scheduled service into the day. After five minutes at my service position, a flood of positive feelings hit me. I underestimated the power of service. I can be of real usefulness to another person. The connection is awesome!
As I journeyed home from the convention, I was filled with hope. I still sometimes feel dishonest when I call myself a “grateful” sexaholic. Well, just for today—and even though I still have many problems—I am a grateful sexaholic!
Anonymous