I attended my first SA meeting in June 2010. I was broken mentally. I had nowhere else to go. I had failed. I agreed with my counselor that I couldn’t stop using porn. When I attended my first meeting I did not feel judged or pressured by the members. There was no dogma, no form to sign. They just shared their experience of living with an allergy to lust. When I heard “What Is a Sexaholic” for the first time, I knew I was home. I asked one of the sober members present to sponsor me, he agreed and I started working the Steps immediately. His message was simple. Work the Steps, attend meetings like my life depends on it, become willing to believe that a Higher Power will remove the obsession, and remember that anything I put before my sobriety I will lose. This was something very different.

After some time I started looking toward my religion to deepen my spirituality. I met a religious girl from my home town on a pilgrimage soon after and I decided my Higher Power had chosen her. I started obsessing over her. I shared with her that I was a sexaholic. She recommended a deliverance immediately and got a religious friend to pray over me. As you can imagine this didn’t do much for my addiction and did even less for my self-esteem!

I was confused by the religious dogma of my friend. I tried to explain the 12 Steps to her, how it worked spiritually for me and how it was not religion. The best way I could describe SA was as a “white room,” a refuge, where all I need is a desire to stop lusting — religion was separate from this. She did not understand this concept and I got confused. I had started obsessing over my religion and I was in turmoil. I had shifted my religion in front of my program and drove my SA group members crazy with my obsession. With the help of my sponsor, I started to see my insanity. I started spending more time with recovering lust addicts and I began feeling more and more at home again in the “white room” of SA. I did not know God until I found SA. I now understand a personal Higher Power that often reduces me to tears with profound gratitude.

I have attended conventions in Ireland and Europe since 2010 and recently attended the International Convention in Jerusalem. I was mesmerized by the cultures present. I was welcomed so warmly by so many people from all over the world. I realized that I was a part of something remarkable indeed. This all occurred at the convention as I regularly surrendered paranoias, anxieties, and generally being a fruit cake with anyone in SA who would listen. I am excited for the future of SA, excited at the prospect of one day sharing with SA members from all cultures in all regions — all connected and recovering from the disease of lust in the white room of SA.