SA’s Sponsor-by-Mail Program

It’s the third Friday meeting of the month in San Francisco. As usual, the room is quieted by a Step Five letter I’ve just read aloud. The letter was written by a prisoner we’ve never met. We’ve heard other prisoners’ stories, but none of the other crazy shares quite compares with this one. Yet we are united with him by our common addiction. We all know that if not for the grace of God, any one of us might have ended up in the same place.

Every few months, I call the chair of SA’s Corrections Facility Committee (SACFC), to get the name of a prisoner who has contacted SAICO to request SA literature and an SA sponsor. I respond to each such request within a week. I usually receive a reply a few weeks later.

At first I thought I wasn’t qualified to work with incarcerated SAs, because I’ve never spent time in prison. But I began sponsoring by mail because I’ve worked with sober SA members who have spent years on the inside. One of these men told me, “SA recovery is the message. Just carry the message. You don’t need to have been incarcerated, you just need to be sober.” This gave me the confidence to work with prisoners.

Initially, I feared making contact with people who had been locked up and labeled sexual predators. As the father of a young child, I feared for the safety of my family. However, I soon discovered that sexaholics in prison are much like those of us on the outside. Today when I work with prisoners, I see only sponsors and sponsees.

My first attempts to communicate with these men lacked compassion, but through working Step Four inventories with my sponsor, I came to realize that their struggles are the same as mine. Their dedication to recovery is an inspiration to me. At times they offer insights more profound than my own. Whenever I read a prisoner’s simple request for information and a sponsor, I feel the same glimmer of hope I experienced when I began on my own road to recovery.

After contacting SAICO and asking for a sponsor, the inmate usually receives a newcomer’s packet and a copy of Sexaholics Anonymous. Beside those tools, we also find the Twelve Step guides made available by the SACFC to be helpful in communicating with prisoners. Because SA meetings are usually not available to prisoners, I often suggest that sponsees behind bars attend an AA meeting, if there is one, and read Alcoholics Anonymous.

After receiving a Step One letter from a prisoner, I read it to my group, collect feedback, then send the sponsee suggestions for working Step Two. With each Step, we discuss how to address issues that arise. When I receive a response, I often run ideas by my sponsor before I respond. People convicted of sex crimes often find that it’s not safe to speak of their sexual issues in prison. It’s a relief for them to know they can communicate in confidence with SA sponsors and groups on the outside.

I learned something about myself when a newly-released inmate called me for a ride to a Sunday night meeting one night. After being released from a federal facility in the eastern region, he was now assigned to a halfway house near where I live. He had just traveled by bus from West Virginia for three days and was in an upbeat mood. Without thinking, I replied, “I don’t usually go on Sundays.” “Oh,” he replied, sounding as if he had been made small by my answer.

I recalled an AA speaker who, after asking for a ride to his second meeting was told, “Sorry I have a date that night.” I also recalled that our primary purpose is to help the addict who still suffers. I quickly reversed my decision and agreed to drive the sponsee from his neighborhood to the Sunday meeting. The second time he called, it was for a ride to a Saturday meeting. Since then, he has been able to travel to Sunday evening meetings after church, and we’ve been riding together to Saturday meetings.

Being of service in this way gives me some reprieve from lust. Although I will never be “cured,” I feel some respite from the compulsion. It is a fact of life that through the process of helping others, we seem to reap the most benefits.

I have come to realize that sponsoring prisoners is not about me. I don’t have to believe in my effectiveness or in the outcome of my service. I am open to the urging of my Higher Power as He continues to motivate me.

One formerly incarcerated SA I know says to his new sponsees, “Every person has dignity, no matter what his or her station in life, economic status, addictions, or illness. No matter what you’ve done, you have value and worth. You were wondrously and marvelously created by a loving God. May you find Him now.” Today, I feel this same empathy and love when I work with these men.

I view each prisoner’s request for a sponsor by mail as a gift from God. I want to give back what God has given to me. Being spiritually fit enables me to be available for these opportunities as they arise.

In the quiet space of the Friday meeting, I look around the room and see the impact of the prisoners’ shares to know that working the Steps, going to meetings for several years, and staying sober has prepared me for the next service opportunity that arrives.

In service,