Carrying the Message

In November 1971, I had a spiritual experience that changed my life direction. But for some reason God did not take away my bad habits when I asked Him to. My spiritual awakening that happened “as a result of these Steps” changed my life direction again—this time pointing me toward promoting life in myself and others.

As a result of working the Steps, I’ve awakened to the reality that there is a God and it is not me, that everything is not all about me, and that every human being is a living soul created by God. My spiritual awakening has allowed me to reconcile the disconnection between God and myself caused by my damaged emotions and addictions.

Today I want to share the message of the SA spiritual awakening—not as a crusader, who spreads the message by the sword, but as a servant who carries food to a hungry person. I need to remember to carry the message of our program, not my message. I might not succeed at every attempt, but that’s okay. I just have to try.

I’m to carry it to sexaholics in the program, sexaholics who have left the program, and those who do not yet know that they are sexaholics:

Carrying the message to sexaholics in SA. I can do this by showing up on time for meetings, or even early to help set up. I need to leave work in time to eat a meal and drive to the meeting in a state of serenity rather than arriving in a frenzy, so that I can be helpful to others. I need to listen with my full attention as each member shares (without fiddling with my PDA). I can volunteer for service positions. I’ve held many service positions at the group level and Intergroup level. I served as Intergroup Treasurer for two years and have been elected as Chair for next year. I also serve on an international level as part of the ESSAY committee.

I carry the message by sponsoring others. I have a list of guys who have asked me to sponsor them. Some never came back to meetings. Some started working with me but now are working with a different sponsor. Some left so they could go back “out there.” Some I’ve had to let go. A handful are still plugging away at this program with me as their sponsor.

I’ve had to learn the proper attitude toward sponsorship. I once attended a few meetings of a recovery group in which everyone was struggling to get sober. After hearing one guy’s shares each week, I thought to myself, “If I were his sponsor he could get sober.” This wasn’t a great attitude, and I’m certainly glad I didn’t blurt it out loud. A few years later he started coming to my home group and asked me to be his sponsor. I said “Sure!” and worked with him for a long time, and . . . guess what? He didn’t stay sober. I learned a huge lesson: I can’t get or keep anyone sober. I can only offer service and leave the results to God.

Carrying the message to sexaholics who have left SA. I can make phone calls to see how guys are doing and tell them I miss them. I once called a guy at the top of the phone list who hadn’t been to meetings lately, but I didn’t know that. We talked for a while and he came to the next meeting. At the meeting, he shared that he had received a phone call from God which brought him back to the meeting. This just shows that God can use any available person whenever He feels like it.

Carrying the message to those who don’t know they are sexaholics. This is risky business. Bill W. and Dr. Bob didn’t go to bars to find drunks, they went to hospitals. Sexaholics active in their addiction are having too much “fun” to consider that they need help. At times I speak with a non-program friend about my sex addiction and subsequent recovery, but I usually do this only if the conversation naturally comes around to it. I feel that God is the one who chooses the person who needs my help, and I have to be willing to help that person at the moment it is brought to my attention. When the active sexaholic asks for help, I can be there with the message that there is a way out, and we don’t have to keep living like this.

The local SA Hotline is another good way to reach those who are searching for a new way of life. I have volunteered for Hotline duty several times and find it to be a rewarding way to serve.

These are just a few examples of ways to carry the message. SA is not a single-issue recovery. It is a whole life recovery. I can take my SA toolkit and apply it to everything in my life, and to all of my relationships. The God who is my SA Higher Power is also my Higher Power in other programs as well as my Creator. If God unifies all parts of my life, then I can use the program tools everywhere, in order to carry the message of recovery.

As a result of SA: