Sponsorship in SA has been a great blessing for me, and continues to be a (sometimes humbling) learning experience. In fact, I learn as much from the men I sponsor as I have from my sponsors! Today I believe that every person is sent to me by my Higher Power to teach me something. Here’s an example of what I mean.

In the past, I would never say, “I love you” to the men I sponsored. After all, a sponsor needs to maintain some emotional distance in order to be helpful! In reality I was fearful of getting too close. And I had used the phrase too many times to manipulate my lust-objects into having sex. For me, “love” was a lead-in to lust, and “intimacy” was a code-word for sex with the spouse.

Then a new young man asked me to sponsor him. He cried too easily, laughed too loud, and called too often. He shouted a greeting when we met, countered my handshakes with a bear-hug, and ended each phone call with, “I love you, man!” I could see that sponsoring this guy would be a challenge.

I had to let go of my defenses and look at what I really wanted. I had to see the truth of the words in our Sobriety Definition: “We also strive toward the positive sobriety of acting out true union of persons. The great blessing (or curse, as the case may be) of our condition is that unless and until we can give unconditionally and relate with others, the vacuum left inside us from withdrawal will never be filled” (SA 193).

I had to be humble enough to receive love, and generous enough to give it back. Finally I could say to my friend, “I love you too,” and mean it.