For me, honesty is the basis of a sponsorship relationship. I’m honest with my sponsor right away if a behavior is becoming a problem. I’m honest with her about what situations I must avoid. I also know what I am able to handle without problems. I’m the only one who can say what situations cause me problems. If my sponsor has an issue with a particular situation and it’s in her list of bottom lines, but that situation does not cause me problems, my sponsor doesn’t add it to my abstinence list. Although I talk everything over with my sponsor, she does not have the right to play God. It isn’t healthy for her (no ego reduction) and it isn’t healthy for me (can lead to more defiance).

Through sponsorship I learn very clear boundaries. My ego is deflated by following my sponsor’s guidance and by being a humble sponsor. Being a sponsor myself has helped me strengthen my own program. Sponsoring others helps me maintain my own recovery. I can’t keep it unless I give it away. It helps my commitment to sobriety because if I lose my sobriety, I would not have the honor and joy of sponsoring others.

The situations, questions, and issues that come up in my sponsees’ lives usually parallel mine, whether current or past. I don’t need to have all the answers; I can ask for assistance anonymously from my sponsor and others. Sponsoring has helped me reach inside myself more, to stretch, to relate my own experience. It has helped me get more deeply in touch with myself. It has helped me become more conscious of my time, and be committed to being available at agreed upon times. I learn to respect others’ time by calling my sponsor on time and staying to the point, so that I’m done in the 15 minutes she has graciously given me each day.

As a sponsor, I consider my primary role to be a cheerleader. I cheerlead from the sidelines as my sponsee goes through the Steps. I don’t play God, and I don’t work harder than she does. But I do share of my own progress and recovery, to offer others the hope and inspiration to keep going.

I’m also listener and a guide, but not a therapist. I am not responsible for their recovery. I sponsor those who are willing to consistently do the work (the Steps and other tools), and who are willing to be consistently accountable.

Sponsoring has been gratifying. I celebrate every one of my sponsees’ successes. I celebrate their abstinence anniversaries. I commend their Step work. I marvel at being able to help someone who wants to get better and who is willing to do what it takes to get there. It brings me joy to witness the new free, enriched lives they are leading.