I have found in my recovery that when I begin to think about my past in terms of what I do not like about myself, i.e., “I shouldn’t have looked at that woman like that,” or “Why can’t I be trustworthy?” or “I can’t believe the things I have done in the past,” or “I can’t believe how sick I am,” and on and on… I am setting myself up for contracting a bad case of shame and guilt.

When I start to think this way I call it for what it is—“thinking backwards.” I have found from experience if I can keep myself in the present and allow God to help me focus on the now, I am much better for the day. God helps me stay in the now to continue in recovery so that I might continue to build a relationship with Him. I am finding that this whole recovery process is just a vehicle God is using in my life to allow me to get to know Him better.

When I think about my future in recovery and how God can teach me new things about myself and how to relate to others, I find no room for the aforementioned negative shame and guilt emotions. Instead I find hope. Hope is released to me when I am able to believe that God doesn’t truly care about what color the sobriety coin is in my pocket. He truly cares about me—separated from my actions of good and bad.