For over thirty years, I was convinced I knew how to put first things first. I had my personal priorities, which usually involved me getting attention or getting ahead in some way. I knew that pleasing other people increased the odds that I would get what I wanted. And I knew, starting at age ten, that I had to be either planning, or having, sex with myself every day. From age twenty, the formula was modified to include sex with others, too. But even that did not replace me as my own best friend.

Getting sober was a big shock. Being sober precluded running the dual set of lives: one centered around pleasing others and the other centered around sex. Being sober presented me daily with gobs of fear, pain, and sadness I’d never felt before. Being sober removed the option of running away, and confronted me with the realities of living and consequences of my actions.

The program encouraged me to change priorities. The program suggested that since my very life was at stake, I had to put staying alive first. That meant surrendering my right to lust and be sexual at all, because I am a self-destructive sexaholic. That meant putting my Higher Power’s will for me first, because I cannot see what’s best for me.

One day at a time I’m progressing toward a new life, one that is indeed happy, joyous and free. My certainty that I know what’s first, or what’s best for me, is gone. God takes care of that for me today, except when I forget. Then, “First Things First” reminds me of my real priorities.

God, I now know that today You will put the energy, the people, and the situations in front of me that are the right ones for me today. Grant me the willingness to do Your will today.