For me, the most important Step is the First Step. Taking the First Step is the motivator for all of the other Steps. I am fully convinced that I have a fatal malady beyond my ability to fix, so I move forward on the other Steps. Step One is a process of surrendering pride. It’s not the end of pride, but hopefully, God willing, it can help create a daily reprieve.

I hated acting out, both as a behavior and as a way of life. Lust is evil. The problem with lust is that it destroys everything legitimately good in my life, especially my spiritual and emotional balance and my relationships. The Big Book says that with God we will “lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter” (AA, 63). With lust, I will gain fear of today, tomorrow, and the hereafter.

In this moment, I have no doubt of my total powerlessness over lust and also the utter unmanageability it brings. Yet, I must consistently remind myself of these facts every day—and I cannot do that myself. I need God. Without God, “We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago” (AA, 24). Without God, my mental obsession (driven by the bondage of self), will always push me back to ruin. So, I take the Steps.

Being a sexaholic in recovery is not an easy life, but it is much easier than the alternative. Life in recovery can be enjoyable, rewarding, connecting, valuable, and even fun. I have great friends and fellows. We support each other. We walk the Road of Happy Destiny, laugh, and try to help the newcomer. And it all starts with the First Step.