Dear Roy,

I read with great interest your recent article “The Luster’s Fear of Dying” in the [Spring 1999] issue of the Essay. Personally I have witnessed this extreme fear of dying while undergoing the detox process of God’s powerful grace acting deeply in my being and restoring sanity. The entire body is visited as well as the soul during this spiritual experience leading to new freedom and joy. I am really indebted to SA for the experience.

In Montreal, I meet a large number of newcomers to SA who are totally devastated after stopping lusting and acting out. Some never come back, but many do return and experience less fear of entering this process of detoxification from a very deadly disease.

In your article you put a great deal of emphasis on “progressive victory over lust.” My own experience with lust and recovery from lust does not corroborate the fact that one gets victory over lust, but gets instead a daily reprieve which perpetuates itself if one does what the program suggests as absolutely mandatory. The AA Big Book, which has been my Bible for nearly 19 years, confirms that an alcoholic doesn’t get victory over alcoholism but gets a “daily reprieve” if he keeps spiritually in form.

It has been my experience that none of my other “isms” have been cured by practicing the 12-Step program, they have been kept silent by God’s action deep inside, but only if I keep in touch with Him on a daily basis. If I neglect meetings, AA or SA, stop meditating, stop helping others, stop admitting my wrongs and my powerlessness, I am doomed to return to hell. In fact, I have experienced several slips that way. In my case, it takes only one or two weeks away from the program before the old obsessions and behavior return.

You are so right when you say that true recovery over lust is absolutely impossible without the active presence of God and His power to restore peace and joy. This has been my experience over the past seven years with the SA program as well as my 19 years in AA.

Many thanks again for your excellent article.

 
Dear Maurice,

Your description of the “victory over lust” issue is precisely the way I see it. Being temptable with lust from within ourselves or from without apparently never leaves us. It has never left me, although the number of temptations where I feel the pull has diminished so that I usually can’t even remember the last time. The victory is in not having to “drink” on that image, fantasy or memory, not making my spiritual connection with lust inside my soul.

Victory over lust does not refer to no longer being temptable or to no longer being tempted, it refers to the fact that in that very temptation we can have victory over it so that we do not have to take a drink from it, take it into our soul, ingest it. This is the way I interpret Bill W.’s word “victory” in the Third Step prayer. “Taking away” our difficulties is interpreted by the words “victory over them.” This is largely misunderstood.

It’s like a camera: The lens sees everything—my eyes, memory or fantasy see whatever they see—even something evil or lustful in itself. But the film is not exposed and imprinted—until I open the shutter. I am not lusting when I am tempted to lust. I am not lusting when I am tempted to lust and also feel the strong pull to take a drink. That strong pull is not lusting; it is merely being tempted by lust. To put it another way, it’s not a sin to be tempted with sin.

Today I can feel the power of a temptation without having to drink. Thanks be to God! And the reason I did not have to drink today is because I asked Him to keep me sober from every single lust today and the Twelve principles are active in me today. So when I experience the temptation, the Shield of His presence was within me and shielded me from my lust and the lust of that other person or image.