Dear ESSAY,

Thank you for this topic on Grieving In Recovery. It has helped me reflect on how I cope with grief since being in recovery, compared to before.

Before coming into SA and being recovered, I considered the death of a loved one, friend, pet, or notable person (in that order) as only negative. It was usually accompanied by sadness, depression, resentment, fear, loneliness, remorse, regret, and other negative emotions. 

Since coming into the SA program and practising these new principles in all my affairs, however, I now view grief over death differently. Rather than being sad that someone is gone, I am extremely grateful that they lived, and happy I had the gift of meeting or knowing them. As a now-deceased friend once shared with my spouse, “Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.”

I can now accept being sad and disappointed by the loss of someone, yet still be happy and grateful that they lived and that I knew them in the first place. I used to think that a “Celebration of Life” was a misnomer. What they really meant was a sad, mournful, depressing, and unpleasant event! Now, however, that is exactly my response to the loss of a loved one. To celebrate their life! This new attitude towards death and grief has also enabled me to overcome fear of my own death and, instead, to enjoy every moment I am alive, as God surely wants me to do.