She came to accept Higher Power’s plan for her.

I had to learn to love myself, not in the way a conceited person does, but as a precious child of God. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and to remember I am a precious child of God. Not a perfect one, but a work in progress with my Higher Power molding me to His will. I am not in charge of my life; my Higher Power is in charge. I have to accept that Higher Power knows what is best for me. I accept that Higher Power’s plan for me is to be single. Being single is not a failure. I am grateful for the lessons my Higher Power has taught me about loving and liking myself as a precious child of God. God is for the sexaholics, including me. It took me a long time to believe that. Sometimes I forget but my Higher Power reminds me through prayer, words of another sexaholic, or SA literature. 

Being single and female in SA is being part of two minorities within the fellowship. I have always been single. I almost got married in my thirties. I was desperate to be married but my fiancé was a violent alcoholic. My friends and family urged me not to marry him. I was stubborn at first and refused to listen to them. Then, the God of my understanding got through to me, and I broke off the engagement. 

I am content being single. I have a good support system of friends and family. Some of my SA friends are like the brothers I never had, and hopefully, I express gratitude to them for their support on my recovery journey.

I started going to SA meetings in 1992. Four other women were attending the meetings. All four left the program. I was the only woman for a few years. The SA men treated me like one of the guys or as a sister. When I came to SA I was still looking for a mate. My sponsor reminded me that I needed to work on my character defects while maintaining sobriety before I could think about dating. She was correct. I needed to keep the focus on myself. I have gone on a few dates over the years, but nothing that was serious. I enjoy having male friends, and that is enough for me. I find I can talk to men in our fellowship as a person, not a sex object. 

Having boundaries that are healthy is very important for me as a single woman in SA. I need to feel safe in every meeting I attend. I don’t hug most men. I shake hands sometimes. This is a firm boundary as most men in SA are married. Program members respect my boundaries. Now, in the Cleveland area, we have six women. I hug them after I check with them that I wouldn’t be violating their boundaries. I have triggers, and I am aware of most of them. I am not perfect. When I have a lust hit, I need to surrender it to God as soon as I can and call to talk to someone in SA.

Being single in SA means I can go to as many meetings as I want. I can also choose how much service I participate in on a regular basis. I have the freedom to take phone calls, texts, or emails without it interfering with my family life. I can also choose when I go to a convention. 

I am grateful to God that I am single and sober one day at a time.