First off, Rick and Jeannette want to “thank everybody for making it possible.” And we want to thank you, Rick and Jeannette, and all the anonymous ones we don’t have names for who helped put it together and made it work. And we thank God for helping us all!

Some have offered to write a more detailed account of what transpired during our get-together. I was too caught up in it all to take notes; here are a few highlights that stick in my mind.

Dr. Patrick Carnes had some interesting things to say about the addiction. (I’m told the tapes of his talk did not come out due to a recorder malfunction.) As I remember, his estimate was that something like eight percent of the U.S. population is in the sex addict category.

He had some very nice things to say about us. He thought we were “the best organized” of any of the Twelve Step programs dealing with sex addiction (if he only knew!). I think from the context of his remark he may have meant we were the most widespread. He also said, “No one can ever say the SA concept of sexual sobriety is muddy,” referring to the ambivalence in other quarters. (This seemed to go along with what happened in the business meeting when we first discussed and then revalidated our statement on sexual sobriety.)

Another thing he said which stuck in my mind was the need for groups to get together more, just as we were then doing in Phoenix, and on a smaller, more local scale. After the Phoenix weekend, we’ll attest to that! And that’s what’s beginning to happen!

There were closed SA meetings Friday evening and Saturday morning, where we heard a number of stories. It seems sobriety still doesn’t come easy for most of us; we’re still pioneering this thing and having to rediscover the principles of the Twelve Steps the hard way. Most groups are very slow getting off the ground and staying airborne with a growing core of truly sober members. If yours is an exception, let us know what’s happening and why. We seem to be learning that the priority is getting our own house in order first—wherever we are, whoever we are. Then we launch out into action, carrying the message of our own recovery to others in need. The amazing thing is that people want sobriety! And there’s real long-term sobriety developing, along with positive sobriety. (Some long-term slips, too.)

The Saturday afternoon business meeting was called and led by Steve M. and dealt with various items brought up from the floor. Progress on the First Step inventory debate was discussed; and we’re still waiting for group and member comments to stop coming in before we make them available. There haven’t been many but they have trickled in.

Various other issues were discussed informally, but the thing that stuck with me was how the meeting ended on a beautiful note of solidarity on our statement of sobriety. By what appeared to be a unanimous show of hands, a resolution was passed suggesting to all groups in the Western Region that the statement from page 4 of the SA booklet, “What Is a Sexaholic and What is Sexual Sobriety,” be read in every meeting. What we were all so grateful to God for was the spirit of love and oneness that developed in that meeting.

By the time the Sunday morning session was over, we were drawn together in the strongest and deepest bond we’ve experienced collectively yet, it appeared to me. Already, as a result, plans are underway for smaller-scale get-togethers in Kansas City (they’ve already met and we hope to include a report with this mailing), Philadelphia (January 11th), and California (January 27th).

The best way to describe the convention is to hear what others have said or written about it:

Rick G. of Phoenix reports that the woman in charge of all the arrangements and staff of the Ramada Inn said, “We’ve never had a convention held here where we felt so much love radiating out of the group. Please come back.” She indicated this feeling came from the whole staff, from those who clean up the rooms to those in management.

Rick reports some general comments of others:

“I felt the love and closeness of God even more so than in our own meetings.”

“It’s very important for old and new members alike to attend these.”

“You don’t know what you missed out on.”

“You can bet I won’t miss the next one!”

Tom M. of Vancouver. “Many things were revealed at the conference, a couple of which are the importance of sobriety as defined in SA and that for me I need a lengthy period of sobriety or celibacy so I can get a proper perspective on my sexuality.… More significantly I am growing in God’s light, and for that I am truly grateful for this fellowship.”

Kendall S. of Calgary.

• “It’s been a long day since I left you this morning. But for some reason I feel compelled to write to you all.

• “I have never experienced such a sense of loving and caring as I felt from you all at this convention. At last I am again at one with God, and I got that from you. How can such a miraculous gift occur so instantaneously?

• “Roy stated it so well when he said that something greater than you or I is occurring. God has seen fit to reveal His presence to us and through us.… At this convention we were one. The love and joy and serenity were astounding.

• “I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for what you have given me. You have given me back my life. I learned love from each of you. I learned to love God again. From each of you I learned something different, and now that I’m putting it all together, I see answers to questions I had years ago.…

• “I came…ready and willing to be taught. You taught me that love and intimacy and physical contact without lust are possible. By your faith and trust in God you taught me to love and trust God. I thank you all so very much. I feel so much love for each and every one of you. I had to give some of it back. I find love is addicting too, but how much more wholesome and beautiful love feels than lust.…

• “Thank you for your experience, strength, and hope.”

Jim E. of Minneapolis. “The whole conference was a gift. I left deepened in my gratitude and commitment to the program. A sobering sense of responsibility to the program and the application that has developed and is developing in the fellowship. I understand the sobriety definition more now.…”

John B. of Monterey Park, CA.

• “As a result of attending the Phoenix convention, I have the feeling that SA is viable and growing and a firm conviction that it has a legitimate place among the family of 12-step fellowships.

• “Any kind of addict who wants to recover must give up the right to use the addiction as a means of coping with life and emotions. They say that is because the Grace of God cannot enter to begin the healing process until the addictive behavior is surrendered. The addict must be told this from the very beginning.

• “No other 12-step program, to my knowledge, takes this necessary stand regarding the sexual behavior of compulsive persons. It appears that in its early days AA took a stand on sexual conduct, but no longer does. Thus, AA cannot tell sex addicts within its ranks the one thing that is essential to their success with the 12-step program. They may have in fact collected a large number of persons on dry drunks practicing a sexual sickness that prevents them from grasping and benefitting from the spiritual part of the AA program.

• “Drinking alcohol and sexual acting out appear to be commonly associated. Because individuals with such backgrounds frequently find their way into AA, it may be possible for an AA meeting to become largely a sea of sexual sickness to great depths of denial. Thus it is unlikely that sex addicts can find the direction, monitoring, and support that they need for recovery within the AA fellowship. I have observed the same problem in Emotional Health Anonymous. No doubt it exists in other 12-step fellowships as well. SA is the only one of the 12-step fellowships that I know about that deals frontally with the problem of destructive sexual behavior and thereby points the way to recovery from it.”

Bruce J. of Saskatoon.

• “Having been a practicing Sexaholic for many years, I finally came into the program as a loner in March 1984. I attended my first SA in Bozeman, MT, in August, and we held our first SA meeting back home in Saskatoon, September 11, 1984.

• “I knew from the beginning that the SA program was tailor-made for me. Others in our small group have also experienced liberating power through the SA literature and meetings. But it took Phoenix to give the program the outer validation I needed. The steps, the SA book, the Essays and other letters and literature told me ‘what’ I belonged to, but the Convention told me ‘who’ I belonged to. The program told me what I needed to do to be sexually sober. The Convention gave me joy in doing it.

• “I had no idea who I would meet at Phoenix. Phoenix is 1750 miles from where I live. It was a costly trip for a fellow who had lost as much as I had because of my addiction. However, it was 25 degrees below zero when I left Saskatoon, and it would be 68 degrees above when I arrived in Phoenix, so I figured the trip couldn’t be all bad. I took a chance and went for it.

• “It was one of the best risks I have ever taken. I met person after person who increased my confidence and heightened my ecstasy. I met person after person who had been battling lust for years but was now at one stage or another in the process of gaining the victory. No wonder the waitresses at the Saturday night banquet said they wished the banquet would go on till midnight; we created so much happiness and made them feel so good. Some of the long-time lusters were surprised to discover that they could give beautiful young women such pleasure without playing sexual games with them.

• “The desire to eliminate lust was the common denominator: homosexuals, lesbians, former prostitutes, womanizers and nymphomaniacs, all loving one another and supporting one another in the search for a lust-free life. An astonishing array of victims on their way to becoming victors. The richness of the event lay in our great diversity. Our personal histories were so diverse. But we had one important thing in common—the need to find freedom from our addiction to lust. Because of this common need, comradeship sprang up immediately and deepened rapidly.

• “Some of you may have experienced this SA kinship before. I never had. I find it is having a lasting effect upon me. It is enabling my growth toward sexual sobriety. Some people at Phoenix I came to know very well. With them in my mind I can never be lonely in my search for sexual freedom. But beyond the few with whom I established an abiding tie, there remains the memory of a sea of nameless people moving about quietly or boisterously, happily or tearfully, some jubilant and some fearful but most of them on the edge of a great hope. Named or nameless, they are now my companions in the search, and life can never be the same again. Because of their presence, I believe I will never again be the hopeless victim of the addiction to lust.

• “Thank you!

• “Thanks to all of you for removing so much of the loneliness that is the inevitable accompaniment of addiction of any kind.

• “It was not all joy; there was much pain and brokenheartedness evident. But then I too am among the brokenhearted. I needed the fellowship and the comfort of your tears as well as your laughter.

• “Practical Pointers from Phoenix

• 1) I learned that in place of telling a woman she is beautiful, it is safer for me and more helpful to her if I draw attention to some of her less obvious strengths.

• 2) I learned that I must cease the alternating connection, seeing a woman friend in one moment as a person with whom I can share strength, and in the next as an ‘it,’ an object with a potential to give me impersonal pleasure.

• 3) I learned that it is a good thing to have an intelligent and notable person like Patrick Carnes so sympathetic to our program and so willing to make personal sacrifices in order to help us.”

[𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚟𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.]

Convention Attendance

Some eighteen states and Canada were represented. Here’s the breakdown we got from Phoenix of the 107 total:

Arizona 30, California 6, Canada 5, Colorado 4, Indiana 1, Kansas 1, Maryland 1, Michigan 2, Minnesota 4, Missouri 2, Montana 3, New Mexico 2, New York 1, Ohio 1, Oklahoma 6, Oregon 1, Texas 2, Utah 9, Washington 2. [𝙸𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚊]

Convention Tapes. Some have been inquiring about tapes of the Phoenix convention meetings. Apparently, tapes of the Carnes talk did not come out due to equipment malfunction. We understand the only other meeting taped was the Sunday morning session. Contact Barbara T. for copies. Barbara says that if you supply two tapes, she’ll run a copy for you—her way of doing some Twelfth Step work. Thank you, Barbara!