He learned through the Program to be honest in every area of his life.

Rigorous honesty with myself is the best medicine for the disease because my disease comes out of denial—lying to myself and others. Before lust, I learned to fantasize and make up fun stories. I took that into my daily life when I discovered I could just lie to avoid trouble or to deal with uncomfortable things.

I remember one instance when I lied to myself about God. My parents had divorced, and my mom, sisters, and I had to move into my uncle’s house. I was very angry to be at someone else’s home. Neither my parents, other people, nor God were doing a good job, so moving forward, I was going to be in charge of taking care of “me”. I was six years old. I believed that lie and started to fear the world; I needed to make myself feel good.

I felt entitled to lie, cheat, and manipulate to get my needs and wants met. These lies mixed up my needs and wants so badly that I lost the ability to see the difference between what I wanted and what I truly needed. This and many other attitudes went unchecked in my life for over 33 years. Excused by my fears and resentments, I never spoke with anyone about this.

After I came into the Program, I admitted I was an addict and a sexaholic (what a scary word for me at that time). I admitted that something was seriously wrong with me and that I was not in good shape to manage anything, especially my life or taking care of myself. I saw that there was help in SA for me, and I was hurting enough to be willing to stop lusting and to want to achieve sexual sobriety more than anything. It was life or death for me (and by the grace of God, it continues to be). I did the work that my sponsor suggested, made calls, went to meetings (leading with my weakness as my sponsor would say), did Step work, finished tasks at home that were pending, did my job, said prayers and meditations, did service, etc. All this was against my will. It was very painful, uncomfortable, and new.

I didn’t know it at the time, but as I was working the SA program continuously, I was growing in honesty and all my other God-given virtues.

I was giving my everything, all my attention and energy, because I knew I had lost my right to life, my family, my money, and everything else. My honesty, guided by my sponsor and inventories, showed me that I had failed in all my endeavors.

Through not holding back, I let my sponsor and brothers in SA into every aspect of my life. I shared and they shared. I became a member. That is the basis on which, through God’s grace, there is growth in all aspects of my life. I am busy living my life and doing God’s work, and I no longer need to lie to live. I have honest conversations inside and outside of me. This Program has me traveling to conventions, and for some of those, my wife has started joining me.

My kids have their own life and their own Higher Power, and it’s guiding them just fine without me lecturing, putting my fears, insecurities, and failures into them, “to help them.” My wife has found her own place in recovery.

These last few months, we have had to face difficulties as a family. My wife has been away for over six months, taking care of our son dealing with cancer at a hospital on the other side of the country. She has had back surgery, and the expenses, traveling, and other things that come with life. Through all this, I am sober and growing in honesty. Relapse, lusting, self-pity, resentment, and lying were never options. Working the Program, staying sober, telling the truth, and living “thy will be done”—what is the next right thing? Calls to my sponsor and others for help and asking “how can I grow in understanding and efficiency” are my options.

I am a sexaholic who is thoroughly enjoying our path. It does work when I work it!

My heart is FULL of gratitude and love for SA, life, God, reality, Higher Power, and whatever the word is that takes me to that wholeness in me and around me.