Higher Power gives her the courage to turn her whole life over to the will of God.

When I hear the words “rigorous honesty,” all kinds of things go through my mind: bringing the inside out, sharing with others, writing Tenth Step inventories, making phone calls, and sharing honestly and sincerely in meetings. In my recovery, it has already become clear that this is absolutely necessary.

But you know what? Sharing honestly and sincerely with others has never been my problem. I have always opened up, even before recovery, because I sought attention. By God’s grace, I no longer do that today and limit my sharing to SA members.

The challenge for me lies more in being rigorously honest with myself. I would deny that a house is on fire even if I were in it. It is much easier to wear blinders than to admit that something is not working and then leave it up to God. And I seem to want to avoid that at all costs.

For example, in SA recovery and sobriety, I was in love with someone for a long time. I wanted it to work. I suddenly had a lot of fear, a lot of trauma that came up, and uncertainty. After about a year of a lot of suffering—for both of us—I had to admit that it wasn’t working, follow God, and let go. My life has gotten much better since.

Rigorous honesty takes a lot of courage, and I don’t have that. My Higher Power does, and He is not too shy to give it to me. I have to dare to give myself to Him, put my whole life in His hands, and trust Him. That is Step Three: “Made a decision to give our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” (AA 59) Our will and our lives. I hereby commit that, just for today, I will place my life in His hands. I am taking the Third Step again today. I want to be rigorously honest, and I pray to God for the willingness and courage to do so.