Positive sobriety was not possible for him without positive steps and real connection with others. 

I came into this Program seeking “negative sobriety”. By that I mean I wanted to negate acting out from my life. Like everything else up to that point, I thought I could do it on my own. If I read some literature, meditated a bit on all the things I’d done and sought absolution for them, bingo, I’d be cured. This was, of course, my ego telling me that I could solve all my problems. Of course, it was that mindset that overwhelmed me, that drove me to pornography and fantasy, away from the real world where people I loved and cared about lived. 

But my actual sobriety asks more of me. I need connection with others, and particularly with those who understand our common problem. This is not a solo program, no matter how much I want it to be. Positive sobriety is reaching outside of myself through acts of love to others and avoiding the innermost worlds of fantasy I’ve created for myself. It involves others in my recovery, even as I take responsibility for my own recovery. The phrase “positive sobriety,” spoken aloud at most of our meetings, reminds me I must take positive steps to remove the negative actions that landed me here. And I can’t do that on my own. I need to speak to others, to trudge along the road with them. I can only stay sober through my connection to others. If I try to will it myself, I’m already lost.