My addiction has cost me a great deal over the years. I have been arrested, lost three jobs, thrown out of a religious community and have been divorced. Despite experiencing these consequences, as well as extended periods of sobriety in SA, my addict will still tell me that acting out is a good idea! “Remember the ‘good times’ that you had?” “There’s so much new to explore!” “You can still get something out of it!” There’s a part of me that wants to continue believing all the lies that I tell myself.

Sometimes, when my addict tries to play this kind of mind game with me, I’ll play another one. As I attend my meetings, day after day, I choose two or three special friends. I’ll put these people on a list. When the list is done, I’ll say to myself, “OK, when ALL of these people leave the program, you can leave too!” Of course, as I go to more meetings over time, the list (including sponsees) keeps growing and the probability of my leaving them keeps decreasing!

This also gives me the opportunity to pray for these friends. In addition, it allows me to express gratitude to my Higher Power for bringing them into my life and having them contribute to my ongoing recovery. This is the kind of thinking that helps me find the serenity that my mind is really looking for; not the illusions of the old way of thinking. No more games—the real deal!