A Fun Take on the Business of Local Meetings

If you’ve attended any business meetings at your local home group, you know they can be pretty dull and uninteresting as a few restless addicts monotonously dot all the I’s, cross all the T’s, and measure out the red tape. Sometimes, this can be downright annoying and frustrating as members debate unimportant nuances of every motion or haggle over whether a surplus of $9 should be spent on tea or cookies.

But once in a while, when the stars and planets align just right, a business meeting can be downright hilarious. The laughter that ensues can be just as healing to the spirit as any powerful share in a meeting.

The following is a short account of an actual business meeting that took place in our home group not so long ago. Some of the names have been changed—just for the fun of it. Andy, Bob, Craig, and Dennis were in attendance, and it went something like this:

Andy: Alright guys, I have a few motions I’d like to bring up tonight.

(audible groans are heard)

The first one involves deciding how many group members need to be present in order to pass motions at the business meeting. We never really decided on that by group conscience.

Bob: I second that. That’s a good idea. I know a majority is typically enough, but since we average around ten guys, motions really shouldn’t be passed without a decent number of members present to represent the group conscience.

Craig: Yeah, I agree. Two or three people alone shouldn’t be hijacking the meeting by making changes on the group level. There should be a more significant minimum number of people voting.

Dennis: So what do you suggest?

Andy: For a group of our size I would make a motion that we not be able to pass new motions without at least five people in attendance. What do you guys think?

Bob: Sounds good to me.

Craig: I’m on board.

Dennis: Works for me.

Andy: Okay, let’s put it to a vote. All in favor of requiring a minimum of five members in attendance at a business meeting in order to pass new motions, raise your hand.

(all hands go up)

Great. Glad we got that cleared up so easily. Now on to my next motion…

Bob: (interjecting) Uh… Andy. We got a problem right there.

Andy: What is it?

Bob: Well, look around you. We’ve only got FOUR members present right now.

Andy: So?

Craig: So, we can’t vote on any new motions. You just froze us out with that first motion requiring a minimum of five attendees!

Andy: Oh no! Is that effective immediately? Maybe that only starts at the next meeting?

Bob: Afraid not. That wasn’t in the motion that passed.

Andy: But I’ve got two more really, REALLY important motions that need to be settled RIGHT away!

Craig: Nothing we can do. (eyes heavenward, hands outstretched) God has spoken through the group conscience!

Dennis: Amen to that.

(laughter ensues)

(a moment later…)

Andy: Well, in that case, I make a motion to close the meeting.

Bob: Sorry brother, we can’t do that. We don’t have a minimum of five to make a motion to close the meeting!

Craig: So you’re saying we can’t leave? We just have to wait around here until the next business meeting … in a month??

Dennis: Make yourselves comfortable boys. Maybe we could read the last pages of the White Book to pass the time!

(hysterical laughter)

THE END

“Rule #62 … Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.” (12&12, 149)