My name is Steve, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. By God’s grace, sponsorship, and the Program, I’ve been sober since August 20, 2013. I haven’t had sex with myself or with anyone other than my spouse for over 11 years. I’ve also experienced some progressive victory over lust.

At times in my recovery, I have “aha!” moments when the God of my understanding enlightens my own self-interest (see SA, 202). One of these moments happened recently while I was working out at the local recreation center. The room I was in overlooks the pool, where the high school swim team practices. As I was leaving, I noticed them practicing, and my focus immediately went to the girls in their swimsuits.

In the Program, I’ve heard that the first look is on God, but the second look is on me. I badly wanted to take that second look, but instead, I turned around and looked at the wall. I prayed for God to remove my lust. I was able to walk toward the exit without taking that second look.

I felt pretty proud of myself for doing the right thing. I thought, Now that’s progressive victory over lust! But then, an enlightened thought came to me: That’s not my victory—it’s Higher Power’s victory. I’m powerless over lust. I was enlightened to realize the victory belongs to Higher Power, not to me. My pride and ego want to step in and take credit, but the only thing I can truly take credit for is saying yes to my Higher Power instead of to lust. Everything else that happens after that is God’s victory.

I’m reminded of what it says in chapter five of the White Book: “Remember that we deal with lust—cunning, baffling, and powerful! Without help, it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power—that one is God. May you find Him now.” (SA, 206)

I’m grateful to have a choice today when it comes to victory over lust. I can humble myself and say yes to Higher Power, or I can start drinking in the images of lust.

Today, when I’m tempted by lust, I ask for the courage to change the things I can. And that means saying yes to God and no to lust.