Under Traditions One and Three, each SA group has the right and responsibility to bring up issues that bear on membership, group unity, and meeting quality. The following are merely suggested for debate and feedback, supporting the idea that if we don’t look out for our unity — both group and SA as a whole — who will?

“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on SA unity.” (Trad. One)

“The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.” (Trad. Three)

First, let’s quote from the current SA Meeting Guide (This is available upon request and is currently being revised):

“Closed Meetings. At the present time, it is suggested that all SA meetings be closed to all but sexaholics (‘closed’ = sexaholics only). Only those men and women desiring sexual sobriety for themselves may attend. There are hundreds of thousands of people out there with sexual and marital problems of every conceivable description and motivation — many misguided. The experience of SA to date has taught us this hard lesson: SA is not for everybody. It is only for those who want sexual sobriety. The precise analogy is with Alcoholics Anonymous. There are many troubled people who want the support group but who are not willing to change their old ideas; they seem more intent on changing SA to suit themselves. Keeping the meetings ‘closed’ in the AA sense will help keep out the curious, the exploiters, and those perennial ‘groupies’ with vague impulses of wanting to feel better. SA is for all those who want to stop their sexually self-destructive thinking and behavior.”

1. How do we handle newcomers? Before they attend their first meeting shall we have two or more members meet with them and ask pertinent questions such as: a) What is your problem? b) What do you want from SA? c) Do you want sexual sobriety as we must have it for ourselves? d) What do you want to stop? e) Are you here for any other reasons? f) Are you connected with media in any way?

Shall we communicate to them something like the following: “We don’t know where you’re coming from, and you don’t know where we’re coming from yet. We need and cherish the spirit of love and unity and common purpose springing from our common problem and our common desire to stay sexually sober. We dare not let this be jeopardized by any who may still want to ‘control and enjoy their drinking.’ If we allow a spirit to take over or poison our meetings that is alien to our hunger for sobriety and spiritual growth, we let in a destructive force. Our common welfare comes first; our own personal recovery depends on SA unity. A threat to the spirit of unity in our meetings is a threat to our sobriety, recovery, and very lives. We want you to understand this. SA is not for everybody who needs it; it’s for those who want it.”

2. Do we ask that newcomers attend at least x number of meetings before sharing in the meeting proper?

3. Will there be a minimum length of sobriety required before a person can share in meetings?

4. Should we assign interim sponsors to every new member as soon as the person comes in?

5. What shall be the minimum length of sobriety to lead a meeting? Thus the secretary draws only from a pool of qualified sober members.

6. What do we do with those who attend meetings who don’t want sobriety and otherwise adversely affect group spirit and unity? One of the groups suggests the following approach: First, concerned individuals may confront such an individual on a one-on-one basis to question why they’re here and what they really want. We can always ask, “What do you want to stop,” and remind them that the desire for sexual sobriety as we conceive it is the requirement for membership.

7. Some have put the question this way: “Do we want people in meetings who don’t want sexual sobriety?”

8. Another question raised is, Do we call a person sexually sober who is using mood-altering substances, such as alcohol, drugs, or tranquilizers?