From The Language of Lust To Healthy Connections

I have been a sexaholic since early childhood. Since that time I have used sexual stimulation to mask the emptiness in my life. From the very outset it became an addiction – compulsive and progressive. My brain is wired now to expect sexual stimulation.

Lust became my sole language, my sole medium of engaging with myself, with others, with the whole world. When I was in London, I acted out in a mega disco. In France, I was able to locate a gym-sauna, even though I knew very little French. In Canada, in the very hotel I was sharing with my wife, I watched her go back to our room one day, then had anonymous sex with a stranger. On a cruise ship in Greece, I waited until the gym was closed in order to act out with the instructor. In another country, I spent a whole morning cruising the beach, looking for someone to have sex with.

I didn’t need a lot of words, just a look, a touch, a gesture … and the communication started at that very moment. Now in recovery, I find I am eager to connect with people of all nationalities. My rudimentary English is increasing as I hear key words and phrases repeated: lust, sobriety, recovery, craving, triggers, Higher Power, surrender, . . .

I am in more than 50 online SA groups today and every day am exposed to more and more recovery messages and testimonies. This enables me to reach out beyond myself, beyond the Spanish language, letting others know I exist: language can be an opportunity instead of a barrier.

Today, in recovery, I’m gathering lots of recovery contact details so I can establish healthy connections. Sometimes, I leave a message and it goes unanswered. Other times, it leads to conversations of an hour or more, in which we share truths about ourselves that nobody else knows.

I think languages, just like temptations, are gifts from God to remind us that we need Him and that He will support us in our challenges. I think He wants to see if I am going to strive beyond language difficulties to communicate my experience, strength, and hope with a stranger, or if I just turn my back and retreat into the source of my problem: my ego.

Juan Carlos, Spain

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