Not So Special After All

“I wanted so to break through and relate to other children … I was off somewhere hiding inside myself …” (SA 10)

I’m struck by how many stories in the recovery literature begin much the same way:

I always felt different …

I didn’t seem to fit in …

I never felt I belonged …

My story is similar. At 9 years of age, I remember feeling like there was a veil between me and the world, and I couldn’t cross over to the other side. I often felt alone and scared.

Most of our stories evoke a sense of disconnection, often starting early in childhood. Sexaholics know what it means to feel apart from, separate.

When I first came into the program, it was scary for me to read stories of people in recovery and say to myself, “That’s exactly how I’ve always felt!”

As I’ve begun to walk the road of recovery, the stories of other members aren’t scary anymore. When I read these stories, I know I am home. Some of us have faced ruined relationships and careers, while others appear outwardly successful. But when I read these stories I identify on the inside and know that I am not alone after all.

The stories of my fellow SAs show me that I don’t have to be scared anymore. I don’t have to play the self-pitying game of imagining I am a uniquely troubled soul that no one can understand. There were many others like me all along. I’m not so special after all. And that feels really good!

Jesse C., USA

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