To Fathers in Recovery: Don’t Quit before the Miracle Happens

Dear ESSAY, in my addiction I crossed every line I could imagine. Ultimately, I even sexually abused my own daughter. I was quickly arrested because she bravely told her school counselor the very next morning. I was convicted and served a sentence.

Shortly after my arrest and my addict house of cards came crashing down, I found faith in Higher Power with the help of the SA program. Released from jail for a time, I found a house of worship and went to my first service. I didn’t realize until I was sitting there that it was Father’s Day [here in the U.S., we recognize fathers on the third Sunday in June]. I was already filled with shame over the monster I was, but I only felt worse hearing them celebrate all the great dads; I left in the middle of the service.

After years of no contact with my daughter, she reached out to me through her mother. After several more years of counseling, working the SA program, and turning my life (and even my will) over to Higher Power, my relationship with my daughter is now largely restored. I woke up this Father’s Day morning to a wonderful message from her that … just means the world to me.
Recovery is not a destination but a journey, and it’s one I want to bravely navigate on a daily basis. As I continue to work on myself, I seek to remember that HP’s grace and love are always with me, even when I don’t feel it. It’s never too late to rebuild and strengthen bonds with our children, even when we must do it from a distance.

I wanted to take a moment to honor and celebrate every father who is reading or hearing this right now. I understand all too well how difficult your journey is. Even if those closest to you don’t recognize it yet, I know you are taking steps that require courage and determination every single day.

Father’s Day has been difficult for me because I tend to focus on the things I did wrong and on all my shortcomings. Can you identify? With me, try to remember that your story is not yet complete. Your fatherhood story is still being written and, whether you’re on the cusp or in the thick of your transformation phase, no matter what happened in the past, you can still be the example of fatherhood your kids need you to be. Keep writing that story—with all the help the Program offers.

Your commitment to recovery sets an incredible example for your kids. I know it did in my case. It showed my daughter the power of perseverance and the importance of taking responsibility. Even if things are far from perfect now, have faith that through your continued effort and staying open to HP’s support, positive change is possible.

Today, I celebrate your love for your children, your resolve, and HP’s strength that’s within you. Keep hope alive on the journey ahead.

Here’s wishing you a happy belated 2024 Father’s Day, and may 2025 and beyond be filled with encouragement and hope. Don’t quit before the miracle happens!