Detachment was the path that led him to a break from the unreal and to seek what was real.

Without a doubt, my program is one of progress, not perfection. It has taken me some years to understand how infatuation has kept me bound to lust. Infatuation, I believe, is a distortion of reality. What begins in me as a natural response, appreciating what is attractive in another person, slides out of reality and into the realm of fantasy. My desire, grounded in lust, changes an appreciation into an unnatural desire to possess. Oftentimes, I don’t know much about the person I’m infatuated with. My infatuation is not based on knowledge or the actual qualities of a person, but is based on what I want to see and what I imagine myself doing with that person.

I see infatuation not only as disrespecting the person I’m obsessing over, but also as a complete waste of time. “Fantasy corrupted the real; lust killed love,” (SA 203). There is no opportunity to develop a real relationship when I am consumed with lust. How can I be satisfied with only pipe dreams? I will continue to be lonely and frustrated. Once, having met a person at a conference, I carried that image for months despite not having seen that person again in the interim. Finally, I came to my senses and shared it with my sponsor and other friends in the program.

The path to health lies in detaching from what is unhealthy. Infatuation definitely qualifies for detachment. My Higher Power allows me to see beyond the infatuation to the real person. I often use the short acclamation, “Help me, Higher Power! I am powerless over this lust,” and repeat it many times in order to get my thoughts free, and then I ask for Higher Power to bless that person. I trust my HP to lead me to my best interest.

How can I distinguish infatuation from real love? Fortunately, the program gives us tools. Real intimacy comes from knowing each other, and that takes time. If I care about the other, I will give myself time to participate in “neutral,” non-sexual activities and appreciate the spiritual side and worthy characteristics of the person. Whereas infatuation does not want to make a long-term commitment to the other, committed love does. When my experience of the other has grown into respect and appreciation of their unique value, then I am ready for love and long-term commitment.