By repairing the past, through working the program, he found the freedom of being single.
Throughout my lust addiction, romantic relationships became a golden calf to me. I thought an attractive, emotionally compatible girlfriend would fulfill and complete me. Having a girlfriend became a persistent fantasy, but every time a woman would say yes to my proposition for a date, I would run from the relationship as soon as it took off. I was too emotionally immature to share my heart with someone in a way that was even remotely selfless or healthy. I was afraid the woman would find out who I really was. To protect myself from rejection, like a parachutist jumping from a crashing airplane, I would bail from the relationship as soon as it took off, fleeing to my addiction, where I thought I could never get hurt.
Since June 18, 2024, I have been sober and I have been single. As I repair the ruins of my past, I am just now realizing how emotionally and spiritually stunted and immature I am, thanks to years of destructive sexual behavior. I am just now learning how to forge actual friendships and how to share my heart with people in a way that is “other-centered,” with the unique brand of freedom that the single life offers.
One way I do this is by sponsoring other sexaholics. Sponsorship has been a tremendous opportunity to reach beyond myself, to focus on the needs of others, and to give of myself to them, just as God gives of himself to me. This giving of the self has brought me a kind of joy and fulfillment I have never known.
My single life also allows me to grow deeper in my relationship with God with a freedom I might not otherwise enjoy. I “hang out” with God. I take walks with him. I ride my bike with him. I hike with him. I connect with him through the glories of his creation and the treasures of my faith tradition.
I don’t know what my lifelong vocation is. But I am certain of my vocation today. I am certain that God wants me to stay sober. I am also certain that God wants me to help others. I find, during morning prayer, that when I ask God to send me someone to help, he never fails to do so. When I am in service to others, free from constraint, the opportunities to discover untapped wellsprings of joy are endless.
