We have recently begun something new here in San Diego—an open Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. I have not heard of this being done elsewhere in the fellowship, and so would like to share this experience with you.

The meeting began as a way to facilitate our carrying of the message of recovery from sexual addiction, and to bring us “out of the shadows” so to speak. The seed was sown when we learned of perceptions in the community that it was very difficult to make contact with SA and that our routinely closed meetings were perceived as “exclusive” and “secretive.” In dialogue with other members, we found that others had these concerns as well. Eventually some members were willing to try having an “open” meeting.

It was decided to format the meeting as a Speaker Meeting. By inviting SA members with recognized sobriety as speakers, visitors could gain greater understanding of the potential for recovery in SA. We also found that our members with longer sobriety are more at ease with sharing their experiences in recovery with people who are not SA members (some of them have already done this). Also, by focusing the meeting on a speaker who is aware of the open nature of the meeting, SA members at large are not placed in the position of sharing in an uncomfortable setting in order to “carry” the meeting.

The meeting is divided into four elements. The first 15-20 minutes is used for introductions and readings, including an excerpt from Chapter 1 of the White Book, “What Works for Us.” The next 20 minutes is available to the evening’s speaker. Most of our speakers talk about the experiences that brought them to SA, as well as their experience in recovery, although no specific format is required. They may address a Step, or a topic, or whatever they feel best typifies the experience, strength, and hope of their own SA recovery. The remaining portion of the first hour is available for open sharing by SA members, usually about 15 minutes. Then we conduct our 7th Tradition, make announcements, and formally close the “speaker” meeting. The remaining half hour is made available to visitors who wish to know more about SA, to identify their needs, and to complete our normal orientation process with those who are present for their own recovery. SA members also answer questions of interested guests, such as mental health professionals, clergy, etc., and make SA literature available.

In conjunction with this open meeting, we have begun regular advertising. The time and location of this weekly open meeting, as well as our local SA information phone number, are advertised in a monthly magazine for people in recovery and in a local weekly. We have been conducting the meeting for about eight weeks now, and have averaged two SA newcomers per meeting. A dimension we had not anticipated was the frequent attendance by S-Anon members. They indicate that the opportunity to hear the SA experience enhances their understanding of their partners’ addiction, and strengthens the bonds of shared recovery. We are still a young meeting, and are somewhat cautious about where this experience will lead us, but it seems to be positive so far.

We feel two elements are vital to the quality of this meeting. One is a strong commitment of support. At least one or two individuals are there each week who can guide the meeting with an understanding of the issues present for both SA and non-SA members and newcomers, most specifically, the issue of confidentiality. The other element is the willingness of SA members, especially those invited as speakers, to share their stories with people who are, essentially, strangers. When we consider the secrecy and isolation that sexual addiction bred in many of us, we think this is remarkable. We also believe it is the breaking of this barrier that allows us to effectively carry the message of recovery to the sexaholic (and co-sexaholic) who still suffers.