I have been working a program with a few other members of SA from different parts of the country on abstinence from TV and movies. I have been abstinent from these media since June 1, 1996. This has not been an easy surrender. Even though God has removed what was an overwhelming compulsion to utilize these media, I still experience an intense pull from them. When the lust for TV or movies comes up, I am able to pray each time — just as I do with sexual lust — and God has, one impulse at a time, given me the willingness to turn away.

My withdrawal from TV and movies was blatant and subtle. In obvious ways I was pulled to the screens whenever they were in my line of vision and when confronted with a life situation I found not to my liking. The impulse to lose myself in the media was tremendous.

The subtle withdrawal was much more profound. My 11th Step has me attempting to improve my conscious contact with God. Part of this practice is to remain present, conscious of the blessed moment given to me by my gracious God. Meditation, involving watching the flow of my thoughts, has been a useful tool.

However, at times in meditation or when I am attempting to commune with God’s creation, such as enjoy nature, a movie flashback or climactic scene will emerge in my mind and I will lock on to that image or feeling state. My meditation and appreciation and concentration on the present is lost, obliterated. I now must pray when this happens, and it happens often, “God, whatever it is I am seeking in that movie flashback, may I please find it in You.” When I earnestly say this prayer I get the same relief as when I use the prayer on sexual lust and food lust. God does return me to sanity; that is, he returns me to the present.

In my morning prayers I always tell God that I want to be sober from lust today and have progressive victory over lust. I also say that I want to be free from the influence of media today — that means no TV, movies or passive listening to music. There is a subtle difference in the language of these two prayers. In my prayer to be lust free I speak from the place of surrender. I have accepted that I cannot lust without dire consequences and have given up my right to lust or the expectation that I can ever lust with impunity.

But with media the language still reflects a delicate voice saying maybe someday I will be able to utilize media without their debilitating influence over me. I may still want to control and enjoy it, but for today, thanks to a loving and caring God who is my best friend, I have abstained from the use of TV and movies and have experienced again a day of creative productivity in the present that God has given me.