Free Books for Newcomers?

The reason the SA International Central Office sells the White Book at a 300 percent markup [see Essay, Dec. 1996] is because not enough groups and individuals are sending an adequate amount of money to Central Office. Most of the meetings in our area pass around two baskets at 7th Tradition time. One goes to pay for local expenses such as rent, literature purchases, and an intergroup donation (which helps pay for our phone line, pamphlets and stamps for public information and outreach). The second collection goes straight to Central Office, no questions asked. The quicker Central Office becomes self-supporting through contributions by members, the quicker our book prices will come down. This is simple economics. Let’s take care of the real problem; not just place a Band-Aid on it.

Tradition Three: Requirement for Membership

Enclosed is a copy of a letter I was asked to write in response to an inquiry that came to the Southern California Area Intergroup (SCAI) concerning a): minors attending meetings as sexaholics, and b): minors attending open SA meetings with a parent. Our Intergroup chair encouraged me to send you a copy for publication in the Essay newsletter.

I am writing in response to a letter you sent to SCAI requesting input concerning minors in SA meetings. The issue was discussed at our meeting of December 27. You realize we can only offer opinions, suggestions and very little experience, strength and hope for this particular subject.

Tradition Three states: “The only requirement for [SA] membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.” It does not specify age, sex, origin, religious affiliation, marital status, etc. Tradition Three from the AA Twelve and Twelve says, “You are an AA member if you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keep you out. No matter who you are, no matter how low you’ve gone, no matter how grave your emotional complications — even your crimes — we still can’t deny you AA. We don’t want to keep you out. We aren’t a bit afraid you’ll harm us, never mind how twisted or violent you may be. We just want to be sure that you get the same great chance for sobriety that we’ve had. So you’re an AA member the minute you declare yourself.” If SA is modeled on AA and we follow the same Traditions, then we may assume that AA’s experience, strength and hope can help us as well. I encourage you to read Tradition Three from the Twelve and Twelve. It will explain why they arrived at the above conclusion: the ever-paralyzing fear. Step Twelve does not say we tried to carry this message to certain sexaholics.

I know from my own experience that if I was aware that such an addiction existed at 14 years of age, or 16, or even 25, I may have saved myself years of misery. We cannot be responsible for our members’ actions. We are responsible for our sobriety, not the sobriety of another member. However, if we are concerned about another member’s behavior, we do not turn our heads, we confront them.

If SA is going to have “open” meetings, it should be expected that members would bring their children. What is “age appropriate” as a topic of discussion at an open SA meeting is something we could discuss all day. The fact remains that an open meeting is open to non-SAs.

We all agree that as SA grows and reaches out to more desperate sexaholics such as ourselves we will see an increase in the numbers of minors at meetings. I personally know several AA members who came into AA when they were only 14 years old. One of those members is now 14 years sober; another is 27 years sober. AA has young people’s meetings, and conventions. As the numbers increase in SA, we too can host young people’s meetings.

Let us not allow fear to keep us from carrying the message of Sexaholics Anonymous to all who want it.