I was born to and reared by two sexaholics. By the time I left home, I was consumed by lust energy. It was all I had known since puberty. It defined me, I thought.

After I got into SA and began progressive victory over lust, I found that this energy was stronger and more pervasive than anything I could imagine (“cunning, baffling, powerful!”). No matter how many years I spent stuffing my head with proper SA thinking, as soon as I got around other sexaholics, I wanted to “lust and be lusted after.” Even when the insanity became openly obvious to me and I would have “serious talks” with myself and my sponsor about my behavior, it was stronger than anything I could affect. My relationship with my Higher Power is still not as strong as it needs to be.

It was only after an extended period of having to “get outside myself” that I could finally achieve some success over my lust energy. I had to tell myself continually that my responses were insane and would destroy me if I keep following them. I not only needed discipline for my addict — to detach myself from the power temptation had over me — but I had to have mercy for my addict, as we must for newcomers. Yes, I didn’t get enough love at home or effective role models. Yes, I got neglect and/or abuse. But SA offers me a life of contentment, joy, and peace that I never dreamed was possible for me if I am willing to give up lust at all levels — to go through the lust barrier and the barrier of fear of intimacy.

True intimacy is something I couldn’t even imagine, or imagine was possible for me, until I got into SA and started working the Steps and toward progressive victory over lust. As I see it, getting into recovery requires total humility before God. It requires admission of powerlessness that makes us feel like children before Him. The spiritual awakening means that I am reborn as a totally new person, someone I was not when I first entered SA’s doors.

Lust energy will destroy us if we let it, but God was kind enough to give us an answer to our dilemma. If we don’t admit the problem for what it is — lust trying to control our lives — we will remain in bondage forever. We must see the enemy for what it is — lust — and not distract ourselves with petty arguments that keep us from what God has so generously given us.