For over 30 years I had pretty much controlled and enjoyed my acting out, or at least (in my pre-recovery, delusional thinking) thought I had. Nine quick and horrific months after gaining access to the Internet, I was in a sex-addiction therapy group and had become an active member of Sexaholics Anonymous.

Within the first month of joining the Fellowship, I was able to stop masturbating and interacting sexually with strangers over the Net, but I continued to struggle with Internet porn well into my second year of recovery. I had a “Safety Plan” which was designed to keep me sober on the computer. In addition to SA meetings, I was attending a closed meeting of “graduates” of the therapy group. After listening repeatedly to my weekly reports of how I had fudged on my Plan and had yet again gotten into trouble on the Internet, the most soft-spoken member of our group looked me in the eye and said, “You’ve convinced me that your Plan isn’t working.” Much as I didn’t want to hear it, the truth of his comment was undeniable.

I revised my plan, and it has served me well ever since. The plan now consists of two primary parts: one that requires me to interact with another sexaholic and one that I perform alone. I call a member of the Fellowship, tell them I’m planning to sign on, and commit to them specifically what I will and won’t do while on-line. (I’ve learned that I’m much more likely to keep promises I make to other sexaholics than ones I make to myself.) I also promise then to read my “Reflection Card” before signing on. If I don’t feel safe after reading it, I delay going on the net.

My Reflection Card contains truths, questions, reminders and prayers that I must contemplate with rigorous honesty if I’m to have any chance of staying sober on the Internet.

The truths are:

• I CAN’T STOP! (highlighted, and in red letters; my extensive research has proven this to be an irrefutable fact for me).
• I am powerless over lust, pornography and the Internet.
• I am not safe on the Internet.

The questions are:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What are my motives for signing on?

The reminders include:

• I am not signing on: 1) to be sexual, 2) to have contact (including visual) with women, 3) to reward myself, or 4) to soothe or comfort my feelings.
• I am signing on: 1) to conduct business, or 2) to connect with friends and family.
• Call and Commit. (If I haven’t done this already, as described above. Sometimes I’ll “bookend” by calling again after I’ve signed off. That second call is a great reward — it’s such a pleasure to report a success!)

The prayers are:

• God, please remove the urge to be sexual on the Internet today.
• God, please grant me the willingness and power to delete all unsolicited email, without opening it.

The Card also lists the Seemingly Irrelevant Decision that has started me down the slope so often: namely, signing on without calling, committing, reflecting and praying first, and The Big Lie that I told myself countless times: that I would stop before the images.

I’m happy to report that following the revised Plan has worked every time I’ve worked it. I need to be honest and also report that when I neglect it, I’m just as powerless and vulnerable as ever. Several months ago, I signed on without following the procedures, and was typing pornographic words into a search engine when I received a call from a sponsee. Too drunk to save myself, I continued to play with fire (telling myself, of course, that I would “stop before the images”) until a second sponsee called! Only then did I recognize God’s efforts to keep me sober, and bailed out. Hopefully, that scared me enough that I’ll be willing to leave further “unprotected Internet” research to other people. Every time I hear their reports at meetings, I’m eternally grateful that God is relieving me of that job.